I (27F) am kinda seeing someone (29M), we work together. I’m the team lead. I had a few comments on the work he submitted, and I politely asked, should I give you the edits personally or do you want me to put them on the shared doc?because when I put things there, everyone sees them, and he tends to get defensive.

(EDIT: I don’t share my comments for any team members in a shared space if they’re harsh in my opinion. I like to do it on a call. But like, his threshold for “harsh” is way too low, so I respectfully asked, as I do with other team members.)

He said give it to me personally, so I did. And then he goes, like okay, I said that because I was protecting you. I didn’t want you to give any stupid comments on the shared doc because that makes you look stupid in front of everyone. Which like…?? implies that I’m stupid?

Then he goes, your brief was so bad, you don’t deserve to be a lead blah blah. I was like, can you please calm down? It’s just feedback. This was the first draft, obviously, you’re going to get comments. He acts like his first draft should be the final one, and if I give any comments, he just attacks my confidence in the worst way.

Then he’s like, you don’t understand, I’m trying to protect you. And he starts saying vile things like, Everyone hates your work. Our boss hates you. Our boss literally loves me, she gave me a 75% raise and praises my work ethic. He keeps trying to put these ideas in my head, that I’m not good, that I’m hated, just so I break and listen to him.

Which is horrible, it says a lot about who he is as a person

Plus, we’ve been in a situationship since university and ended up getting placed at the same company, which, at one point, we had actually planned. I got promoted to lead because I also did a course in project management. He thinks I don’t deserve that, because he has more experience (that’s his opinion)