Reddit community I'm looking for advice some people say I am the ah other's say not my problem. Please help here's the short background

I met my bf(37m) 7 years ago, we live in a high cost of living area. He is a volunteer EMT / fire fighter living in this town for the past 10 years. Upon entering the relationship he made it clear that the fire department is his lifes passion and enjoys it immensely but that it does take a lot of his personal time. I'm pretty independent and had no issues with that. When it came time to find an apartment together he suggested getting an apartment with his mother to help with expenses as she was getting older, but made it clear she was independent and would not control our lives.

I (36f) have been on my own since 17 years old as my father was an emotionally abusive narcissist, and my mother passed away because she gave him her medication because he refused to go to the Dr's and ultimately it killed her. Anyway I also had a son who was 5 at the time and had recently divorced my husband. I made it clear that I don't like to be controlled or have parents influencing everything I do. So we spoke about all that and I decided to try it. Immediately she tried to control everything, where we put the dishes, where food was stored, wouldn't allow my items out in the common area, got mad when I didn't want to go holiday shopping for Christmas because it was my first without my mom. She ignored us for months until her car broke down and needed help. She even took herself to her own surgery because she didn't want my help and got stuck at the hospital because they wouldn't release her to drive on her own. We'll when the lease renewal came up I didn't want to renew but it was the height of covid so I renewed it to keep a roof over my head. Then for the next year it was more of the same shit, taking more then the rent required to "force" us to save for a house. Bf didn't want me to make waves so I let it slide. Then she developed cancer right before the next lease renewal and bf begged me to stay so she wouldn't be homeless. I caved again and resigned. Now we have a 3 br apartment so my son could have his own room, my ex didn't let my son come over for years and since we wouldn't using his room she canceled her storage unit to save money and moved all her stuff into his room. My ex met someone and is now allowing my son to sleep over and now over 2 years later her stuff is still in his room even after repeated attempts to get her to move her stuff out.

Lease renewal is in 2 months and I'm refusing to resign. I've mentioned it several times but she has dementia and conviently forgets that ive said multiple times im not renewinf the lease. She's claiming she's got no where to go and will be homeless. Mind you she's alienated any other family members due to her attitude, she never has anything nice to say about any one or anything. It's constant passive aggressive comments and it's really affecting my mental health (which I've had issues with my whole life being autistic and major depressive disorder) I'm being called selfish because she likely doesn't have too many years left, but I'm my eyes her lack of planning, (she was a waitress and never got health insurance or life insurance) and flat out said she expects her son to take care of her until she dies. He doesn't have the time to take her to her Dr's. Appointments, due to work and she's mad he doesn't spend time with her on the weekends while he's at the fire house and expects me to get him to stay home with her. She's accused me of breaking her items and being vindictive when I've done nothing but help her. I'm the one who got her into the clinical trial which got her cancer into remission. I can't live with her until she dies.... it's causing me massive issues but people saying I'm the AH? Please reddit community help me understand am I in the wrong here?