I had this friend- well, had. Let’s call her Leah. We were introduced through our boyfriends, so naturally, we started hanging out pretty regularly. Things were always chill between us in the beginning. Eventually, she moved away, so we didn’t get to see each other as often. But whenever we did, it was easy. We’d pick up right where we left off. It felt effortless. Comfortable. Then came a big trip we took together. That’s when things started to shift. Right from the start, I noticed something was off. She seemed distant, disinterested, like she wasn’t fully there with me the way she used to be. I didn’t understand why, so I tried to give her space. Maybe I was overthinking it, but she barely engaged with me the whole time. This was after weeks of planning and texting, both of us looking forward to the trip. At some point during the trip, we got into an argument-over politics of all things. I regret it now, because it set a weird tone for the rest of the trip. We barely spoke, and the 16 hour drive home was completely silent between us. After that, things didn’t quite go back to normal. There were a few situations that rubbed me and my boyfriend the wrong way. Even though we continued to text occasionally, it felt one-sided. I realized I was always the one initiating conversations. She’d leave my messages delivered, yet she was still watching all of my stories on social media. It started to feel... off. It kept happening, being left on read, getting dry responses, rarely hearing back unless I reached out first. Despite that, when her milestone birthday came up, I went all out. I couldn't be there in person due to family stuff, but I poured my heart into the gift. I picked things that had meaning, little inside jokes, stuff I knew she’d love. I just wanted her to feel special. She did send me a gift for my birthday in return, and I really appreciated it—but I also noticed she left me on delivered for most of my actual birthday. She didn’t forget, and that meant something, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that the energy just wasn’t matched.I kept trying. I even invited her on a fully-paid trip with some of my close friends. I know she saw the message. She responded to me on other platforms, just not the one where I sent the invite. Later, I told her I’d be visiting her town, and she immediately replied saying we should meet up. I followed up with the exact details, and… nothing. Left on delivered again, the whole week I was there. She watched my stories, but never opened the message. That was kind of the final straw. I didn’t try again. I was done being the only one putting in effort. I deleted her contact and removed her from my social platforms—not to be petty, but because I didn’t want to stay in a friendship that felt so one-sided. She didn’t notice…Weeks later, she messaged me on the one platform I hadn’t removed her from, saying she was coming to town. I responded dryly. When I didn’t reply right away, she asked if something was wrong. I left that message sitting for hours—I was genuinely busy and didn’t feel like prioritizing the conversation. When I finally explained, she replied again. I left it on delivered for days. Eventually, she deleted her message and removed me. I’ll admit something about myself. I’ve always had this habit of cutting people off once I feel hurt, or when it starts to feel like the relationship isn’t mutual. When I sense that I’m the only one putting in the effort, or that my presence isn’t valued, I tend to shut the door completely. It’s a defense mechanism, my way of protecting myself from the disappointment of being let down.

And the thing is, this wasn’t even the first time I had distanced myself from her. Something similar happened before, a while back. I had cut her off then too, for reasons that were different yet familiar to this situation. Misinterpreted information from others on both out parts. But eventually, we talked it out. We were honest with each other, apologized, and explained our sides. She shared things that helped me understand why she had pulled away, and I opened up about why I had felt so hurt. We realized we had both misread each other’s intentions, jumped to conclusions, and reacted based on assumptions. That conversation had brought us back together. It felt like a mature resolution, like we had grown from it. So you might ask, why wasn’t it like that this time? Why didn’t I reach out again and try to talk things through? Honestly, I don’t know. I didn’t think I’d be able to reach her this time. Something about how the trip ended, how disconnected she seemed the whole time, it just felt final. Like she had already moved on. She had other friends now, a different circle, and it felt like I no longer fit into her life the way I used to. It was like hanging out with me was more of an obligation, something she did because our boyfriends were close, not because she genuinely wanted to spend time with me.And that’s what hurt the most. The idea that maybe I had been holding on to a friendship she had quietly outgrown.

Maybe I am the asshole here.