I know the title sounds confusing but I need help. I have this friends who is in genuine belief that she is not beautiful, she vent to me all the time saying how she compares herself to “pretty models” or famous actors. Every single time I back her up saying if she were to ask anyone they’d tell her she’s pretty, however her response is usually “they’d only do out out of pity” each and every time I try to convince her otherwise because I believe she genuinely is beautiful.

Sometimes we’re on FaceTime and we’ll be talking about something completely unrelated and then a few seconds later she’ll switch the topic to her “flaws”. For minutes at a time she’ll say things like; “my lips look huge” “I hate my nose” “I look fugly and fat” “people def think im ugly”. At times she’ll even ask my opinion if she looks like a person, the person she typically shows would be someone who is African (my friend is Nigerian) and who does not typically fit into the “American beauty standards”. She’ll call them ugly and then say that she looks like them and “if people treat them bad then they will treat her bad because people have less empathy for the ugly.” Personally I believe it is absurd that she takes her self loathing this far, and quite frankly I’m getting a little annoyed because she doesn’t listen to me instead pointing out everything “wrong” with herself.

To be honest I am getting extremely tired of her self image and in my mind it would be best if i were to tell her that I refuse to engage in this behavior and that if she didn’t believe she was pretty then I wasn’t going to attempt to convince her anymore. On another note it is more exhausting when you factor in her reasoning (I believe to be stupid) that is “no guys ever look at me like they look at you or xxx” (our other friend) or “guys at school don’t look at me”. I understand it is every teens dream to have a boy crush or have crushes but I believe that it gets to a point when you constantly bring your friends into it in-turn making them feel bad for simple things like crushes.

There have also been numerous times where she compares her and my body and it makes me deeply uncomfortable since I’ve battled with anorexia. She tells me things like “when I get to your weight I’ll do everything” or “I want to be your weight you look so petite and cute!” Which again makes me deeply uncomfortable. I try to tell her that she needs to find comfort in her own body and that “comparison is the thief of happiness” (not to give off millennial vibes lol) however I’ve been telling her the same thing for the last 2 years and it just feels like I’m repeating myself over and over again..

I hope this wasn’t anymore confusing but AITHA??