This actually happened last week and was such an emotionally and mentally draining experience !

So I (F, 20s) had been talking to this guy — can call him "SS" (M, 20s) - for a couple of months. We talked daily, often for hours. Shared music, gaming (we played WoW together), inside jokes, deep convos, and the connection was great ! It felt thoughtful, sweet, fun, and mutual. He said he was looking for something long-term and that I was becoming really special to him. I felt the same.

One evening last week, we were on a call together ~ I was super tired and had a migraine coming on. I greeted him, asked about his day, and he mentioned if i'd wanted to join a +10 with him right then, but I let him know "I'm soooo tired — you go ahead with the +10, I'll join for the raid after I rest a bit and get some extra energy!" It felt open and honest from my pov, and he seemed to be okay with it. But apparently, my exhausted voice (plus a few yawns) were interpreted as me being upset or passive-aggressive.

Throughout the call, including while we were setting up the raid, he kept asking if everything was okay, and I kept saying "Yes, of course ~ I’m just really tired.” Like, multiple times.

Then suddenly, he flipped. He got cold, short, snappy. I gently asked if he could speak a little less meanly to me, and he hit me with:

“I’ll speak to you how I will.”

And later, when I tried to explain how that tone made me feel:

“IDGAF what you say.”

I stayed calm (at first) and even tried offering solutions: next time, if I seem off or tired, I could send a smiling snap or a little video so he’d know it wasn’t about him or anything he’d done to upset me. I really thought I was helping.

Then I asked him if there was anything he might do differently next time — perhaps, like being less mean?

And instead of reflection, he gave me another list of things I should do: stop interrupting (most of which were me trying to ask him to stop being harsh), be clearer, basically a self-improvement plan for me. And then he topped it off with:

“I’m not your dad.”

…Okay? So genuine question… What does that even mean ? Or have anything to do with what we were talking about ?

He also called me a liar for not explicitly saying I had a migraine — even though I’d said I was exhausted and not feeling well, repeatedly. Apparently, that wasn’t enough info. He felt entitled to know every detail about my body state (he wasn’t even my boyfriend), but when I asked for even a little gentleness, it was made into me being a “hypocrite.”

Then he said that i was gaslighting him ??? because I wouldn’t agree with how he interpreted me as upset with him, no matter how many times I clarified for him that I truly was just exhausted ! He blamed me for how HE chose to react to HIS own assumptions. It became really clear that a productive conversation was not an actual possibility since no matter what I said, in his head I was probably the villainess — enemy #1 ? & also any solutions to make things better went no where.

He’s mentioned before that he’s been in toxic relationships with his ex-girlfriends, and I never once thought he might have been the toxic one. Until now.

Eventually, I snapped. After all the rude things he said to me, insinuating that I was “stupid” if I don’t see it his way and 0 accountability on his end, I told him he was a toxic piece of s***, hung up, and blocked him everywhere.

BUT I have to ask since it was so confusing… AITAH in all this ?