Me(23f) and my partner (28m) have been together for 6 years, recently we have had a lot of issues and fighting, to the point of nearly breaking up. We finally sat down and had an adult conversation about the issues we are having with each other and what’s been building resentment.

One big issue we both brought up was our sex life, he thinks I don’t initiate enough (I’m reactive not spontaneous) I’ve explained to him that after a day of chasing around a toddler and several animals I don’t really have the energy to initiate even if I was in a rare mood to be the initiator. He said he’s tried of putting all the work in (I’m a sub bottom).

He’s the type to finish, get up and wall away, half the time never throwing me a shirt or towel or anything. He rarely focuses on ever getting me off, and I brought this up, to which he responded “it takes too long”

We have no foreplay, kissing or anything before hand, he just wants to jump straight into it and thinks jabbing his dick into my back is going to turn me on. I told him I’d be more inclined to put effort in, if he put more effort into helping me finish. We went over some stuff we would both like to try and thought the conversation went well.

We had very good sex for about 3 days, but I still couldn’t finish. It felt so forced like his only goal was to make me finish, no passion or love or anything, and I felt like I was under a lot of pressure. I explain this to him and suddenly the sex stopped. It’s back to our old routine of no foreplay or anything. Just him finishing and going to bed.

It’s been days now and we haven’t had any sex, he looked at me during dinner the other night and said that he hasn’t been having sex with me lately because I’ve hurt his masculinity and he’s lost interest in having sex because he can’t make me finish.

I fail to understand how this is my fault? It’s not like I have a secret button in my brain that I can press to suddenly orgasm or enjoy the bland sex he offers. All he does now is watch porn, and lie about how he’s stopped watching it. I don’t get what I’m doing wrong. I tried being more spontaneous and giving him a handjob, to which he went soft and got mad at me, said he can’t finish from MY handjobs, and that if I really wanted him to get off I’d try harder and do what I know makes him finish.

(Just as a key point here, I’m currently pregnant with our second and have no interest in giving head bc the slightest gag and I will throw up on both of us)

But anyways Reddit, AITAH? How is it my fault his masculinity is hurt because of something he can’t do?

TLDR: My partner cant make me finish, and says I’ve hurt his masculinity so he’s lost interest in having sex with me.