I really don't know how to start this after everything that happened. I’m 20 years old, and I just found out that a guy I met in high school took his own life a week ago (I don't know how). This guy, who I’ll now refer to as AC, was a friend from high school, and the news of his passing left me with a feeling of bitterness and melancholy. My story with him is quite extensive, so I’ll summarize it as best as I can.

AC and I are from the same town. He was two years older than me. We met in some robotics classes organized by our school, but we started talking during a dinner we had after a robotics competition. AC was with most of our group, but I didn’t feel comfortable around so many people, so I sat alone. However, a guy from our group sat with me. Honestly, this guy made me feel uncomfortable, but I couldn’t complain, until at one point AC sent me a message inviting me to sit with them. I declined the invitation. After the dinner, he looked for me, and we started talking. We always looked for each other during break time to talk. After a year of knowing each other, he confessed that he felt something for me and asked if I could be his girlfriend. I was stunned and had a strange feeling in my body; I didn’t know how to respond, so I didn’t say anything and left without giving him an answer. We went a long time without talking to each other, and we ignored each other when we saw each other. Then I decided that this couldn’t continue, so I wrote to him and prayed that he wouldn’t remember the confession. He replied, but didn’t mention anything about the confession, so I assumed he had forgotten about it, and we went back to our normal routine.

We were like that for 2 more years. He asked me every year, and I never gave him an answer. After the last time he asked, he never brought it up again, so our friendship went back to normal without any issues, or at least it was that way until the pandemic arrived. Because of that, we had grown distant, but some time later, I received a message from him, and we resumed our friendship. After a while, AC got COVID, just when he was at a high risk of mortality. I found out thanks to his sister. I called him immediately to check how he was doing. Just hearing his voice, I broke down, started crying, and he was the one comforting me. He told me the illness wasn’t serious, that he would get through it. And I told him I missed him, that I wanted to be by his side, and many other things, but after 5 minutes, I started feeling embarrassed.

AC and I ended up at the same university, in the same major, and from here things started to get complicated. When I entered the university, I told AC that we should reconnect after two years of not seeing each other. I finished one of my classes, and there he was, waiting for me outside the university so we could go out for a meal. Due to the time my class ended, we couldn’t find a good place. When we finally found one, he gave me some books I had always wanted, and we reconnected. After that, he accompanied me to the place where I’m renting. Months later, he sent me a voice message that literally left me on the floor. The message said something like this: "Hi Op, I hope you're doing well. You know how much I love you, and I’ve always shown it to you in different ways. That time we went out, I started having feelings for you again, and I tried to repress them. I want some time for myself. I want to distance myself from you for a while. I’m going to block you, please, I hope you understand. I haven’t been well lately, and having these feelings for you makes it worse. I’m sorry, and I hope you understand. See you later." After hearing that message, I was devastated, I cried a lot, but I simply had to understand, so I left him in peace.

Now let’s move on to the present. As I said, a week ago I found out that AC had taken his own life. I found out thanks to one of his friends, who asked me, 'What are you going to do with the money?' To which I responded, confused, asking about the money. He replied, 'The one AC left for you.' He took me aside, away from the people, and told me that when he told me what he needed to say, I shouldn't get upset. That’s when he told me that AC had taken his life. At that moment, I wanted to scream, but the friend covered my mouth and told me to calm down. I couldn’t feel my legs; I wanted to collapse. Then the friend told me to check Instagram, which I had somewhat abandoned since I have another public account I use more. So, I went straight home and checked AC’s chat. There, I found a link that led me to a video he had recorded, and below it, a PDF with some accounts and passwords. In the video, I saw him with a very tired appearance, with very noticeable dark circles, much thinner compared to the last time I saw him, and he said: 'Hi OP, it's been so long since I last heard from you. I hope you’re doing well. I don’t think you know, but I left my career to focus on myself. I don’t think we’ll see each other again. I’m sorry because I couldn’t say goodbye. I apologize for that message I sent you. I’m not in a good place. Below this video, you’ll find a PDF with accounts from various websites and apps with investments totaling $5,000 and around $100 for direct use. I’m sorry for not saying goodbye in person, but I didn’t have the courage to see you. So this is my final goodbye. I love you. I’m sorry for loving you. It’s my fault for wanting to be with you. I’m sorry for being a coward. Well, goodbye, OP.' After watching that video, I cried uncontrollably. I screamed AC’s name and was like that for 10 minutes. Then, I calmed down and decided to open the PDF. Inside, it was written: 'For your future and for the birthday gifts I owe you.' I became sad again, but I decided that I couldn’t cry. That’s what AC would have wanted.

Now I don’t know what to do with the money that AC left me. I feel like keeping it is wrong, but I also know that he worked hard to make that money. I researched a little about the investments he made, and it turned out to be harder than I thought. I have $5,100, and I have no idea what to do with it.

(Please, I don't want you to say bad things to AC, he's a good guy, I have no doubt that if he had been interested in another girl she would have been his girlfriend, so please let him rest)

P.S.: If you want more stories about AC and me, just let me know and I'll do it in a future update.

Note: My primary language isn't English, so I had to use GPT chat to proofread and translate my story. Sorry if it's not clear.