I (29F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 1 year and 4 months. We love each other but have very different approaches to friendships and relationships, and two very different temperaments. He's always calm and submissive, I get angry easily and have a very strong personality overall (I also get very emotional very easily). Today I was going to host a garden party at my house with his group of friends but two days ago things turned up for the worse because my father chose to slather the garden in manure without telling anybody and outside my house smelled (smells still) like a farm, a very dirty farm. So I contacted the dedicated chat group for the occasion saying I was very sorry but I couldn't possibly let them grill meat outside with that stench up their noses. I was trying to be polite and a good host but apparently I did something wrong because his best friend (let's call him Ron) erupted abruptly that I was direspecting him because he wanted to host the party at his house and no one warned him about the changes (like, how? We have a dedicated group chat about this) and I clearly was taking an excuse to ruin the day and being a victim on purpose. You get the idea. I, being the calm human being I am, I exploded internally but tried to be polite, saying I was sorry for the inconvinence but it was not the place nor moment to call me a liar and a 'victim' and that it was literally not my fault for my father actions or if he didn't get the memo the party was at my house, like his friends decided. (For context, Ron created the chat group in March and everyone forgot about it until last week. I was with my boyfriend and some of his friends and they talked about where to host the party. I offered my house saying it was convenient so I could also invite some of my friends over and also it was closest to the city so no long road trips like it could be going to Ron's house, 1h ride from where we live. Everyone was happy I wanted to host and were talking about how to organise food and beverage etc). Apparently, he had seen his friends many times that week but no one had talked about the event with him other than an old message where I said I could host if everyone was OK with it. At that time no one responded in the chat so I assumed that, after the meet up in person, the case was closed. Oh I was wrong. So back to where he insulted me, I told him that I was sorry but there was no need to be so aggressive towards me, that if he wanted to be angry he should direct it towards his beloved friends who excluded him during the organisation for food, seeing as the others had already made plans for themselves. No one intervened but my boyfriend, that said to Ron it was not ok to talk to me like that but also added that I was wrong too for saying what I said, and both needed to apologize. I responded with "I honestly don't care what you do, I'm not participating in this party anymore and I am absolutely not going to invite you over at my house ever again. I'll go with my friends, bye". Then another friend (F) said I could still join them if I wanted but that made me more angry than before. I could? Like they giving me permission? Bitch who u talking to 🤣 Anyway menwhile Ron had sent a message saying he was sorry for his words (he was not saying sorry to me but in general to all the chat). I decided to leave the group and that was it. My boyfriend texted me saying I was managing the situation wrongly and that I too should apologize for how I talked to him but I refused. And here comes the quarrel with boyfriend (let's call him Andrew). I was angry with him also because he's always favored his friends and he would lose an arm for them, advocating their absolute goodness, like they could never ever be wrong in something. I let it pass many times but this? For me it was a huge disrespect and I was not going to apologize for standing up for myself. He told me I was ruining everything for everybody and that there was no need to be angry with all his friends. After some back and forth I told him that, sooner or later, he would have to make a choice: me or his friends. I told him he was not going to be so free all the time and that later in life his free time would be less and he would have to decide on how to spend that free time, me or friends (also for context, I'm a student and piano teacher, I took my first degree and i'm finishing my piano studies while he has a diploma and he's currently unenployed. Never was. Basically he finished high school and never found a job. He wants to be an artists but doesn't engage in it and doesn't try to get a job this way. He's currently trying to make an airbnb with his granma's house but nothing has been completed yet). I already make that decision every day, because I have no free time and all my free time I spend with him; he has all day free, doesn't do chores at his house, doesn't cook meals, just goes out with friends playing card games and D&D and sees me in the evenings when I'm not collapsed and tired (and is not out with his friends lol). Also his friends have never tried to include me in their group: in this year they have added two people in the group (a friend of one female in the group and Ron's girlfriend) but always refused to let me in on their chatgroup, sometimes Andrew asks me to join them for game nights but when they do them I usually finish work at 8 pm and am too tired to stay up till 1-2 am. He called me toxic and abusive for saying he had to choose and that I wanted him to be alone like I am. I admit it was not the merriest thing to say, but still I don't think I'm completely wrong. So today came, and as Ron wanted, he hosted that stupid party at his house and Andrew went with his friends. Thankfully I have two best friends that reserved a table for three and today I went out for lunch with them. Andrew and I texted throughout lunch and I told him bitterly: "Ron must be enjoying his victory and party without me, he obtained what he wanted" (because I firmly believe his friend don't like me and don't want to include me in their group, fair enough, I don't pretend to be liked by everyone) but Andrew insisted that Ron was sorry, they were asking about me, they were sorry I was not with them and all this crap. He firmly believes it, I don't. We argued about this for a while, with him trying to convince me of his point of view and not accepting my position on this. After two hours I told him I was drained, that he always tries to negate my feelings and thoughts and that he doesn't stop berating me until I say what he wants me to say. The conversation ended and I was trying to get my mind off of him by creating another chat group with my friends to host a party at my house, with them this time. I was adding people and without thinking, out of habit maybe, I added Andrew too. I had no intention of inviting him, seeing as he is happy with his friends, so well. I wrote on the chat and he was first to respond that he'll be there. I contacted Andrew privately and told him there was no need for him to come, that he could go with his friends if he wanted (seeing, also, that he doesn't get along with my friends at all and has actively argued and insulted some of them many times) and was not obligated to stay with me and my friends. He insisted and then I said to him clearly that I didn't want him at the party, just my friends. He simply replied "but my friends are not doing nothing together that day..." (where I live it's a holiday) ya know, all subdued. I replied "I don't care, you could whip up something, your group has the capability of organising things in two hours, I don't think you'll be alone". So, now you all have a very simplified version of what happened.... am I really the asshole in this story? I feel like I'm not really but... be brutally honest. I need advice 🤯