So I (28M) am in a relationship with two other men “Bob” is 37 and “Finn” is 41.

So we were in Therapy yesterday and the therapist asked if we ever hold things in and then erupt bc of it and Finn and I said yes, while Bob said no even though he actually does do it, and so I said “No actually we all do it”. He took offense to that and later that night the three of us got into an argument, it was mainly Bob and Finn, but Bob said that the only reason he does that is because of me.

So some context. Finn and Bob were together for 12 years before I came along. The three of us have been together for 2 years now. Finn cheated on Bob multiple times before I came along and then he cheated on the both of us last year. It was a shit show, we broke up. Bob and I stayed at my parent’s house for some time while we figured out what to do since we have kids. Anyways, we decided to give it another chance. Finn is in therapy and things really seem to be getting much better.

However, because Bob has been hurt so many times he is now deeply insecure and depressed. Which is completely understandable. The issue is that when we first started dating Bob would come to me almost every day asking if I was cheating or talking to anyone (I’m not, nor will I ever). Every Day. There was also CONSTANT arguments between Bob and Finn.

So then we started therapy and we were encouraged to share how we feel. Okay, so I feel overwhelmed by constantly being asked if I’m cheating and constantly having to hear them argue. I shared that. I said to Bob that I don’t like that he seems to have a problem every day and that he needs to learn how to let the little things go.

Fast forward a bit and Bob comes to me and says that he didn’t like how I felt and that it made him sad. Okay, fine then, just go back to how it was and share everything. I knew what to expect this time, so maybe I could handle it. I told him that if he has a problem or an insecurity that it’s okay to come to me and I’ll be extra patient because I know he needs it.

So now back to last night. He told both Finn and I that we better apologize to him or he’s leaving.

But I don’t feel like I have anything to apologize for?? The therapist ASKED us a question and I answered it. And I KNOW for a fact he does it bc he admitted it to me during Easter (bc he had a meltdown that day too). He apologized for yelling and then said that a big reason for him yelling is bc for the past couple of days he was really anxious about us cheating. Okay, so that means he held in his emotions and the erupted. EXACTLY what the therapist asked.

Anyways, I know our relationship isn’t perfect. I love both of these men and the kids and I would die for any of them. However, Bob and Finn seem to have a lot of baggage that gets dumped on me. AITAH for not apologizing?

TLDR: Fiancé gave me an ultimatum of apologize or he’ll leave, but I don’t think I’m in the wrong