We bought a new house and my mom lives with us. Her whole attitude about it has been negative, toxic and ungrateful. The amount of trash talking she does about me and my husband about how we forced her out of her big house into this tiny area and other things is getting a lot. We moved in with her initially bc not only did it help myself with two kids my husband will either work long hours or be out of town a lot so it was honestly nice not to be alone and my mom lived alone. Which she didn’t like in her big house. Also financially for my mom things were just getting harder to take care of and upkeep the house and she wanted to retire. She couldn’t find anything in the only retirement community near us that she liked and hated the idea of living alone so we thought win win. We wanted to make some updates to the house ( was over 30+yrs old) and the yard. We paid all the bills. Everything, but everytime we went to do something its was butting heads bad. She didn’t want to do anything bc a ton of what “ifs” and she made it clear it’s her house end of story. So we said ok it isn’t working for us. We want to make the house work for all of us but you won’t. We even said to keep the master bedroom while me and my husband crammed in the smallest room in the house, which we eventually wanted to make a bit bigger by connecting it to the den area she never used but she said no to that idea after we moved in. Only big project we had everything else was literally updating. We searched for a home for a while to accommodate all of us but nothing was ever enough. She finally agreed to one but it wasn’t forced we honestly told her we can get one with a second master/ on suite or something just for our little family and one day when your ready we can add something onto the land later. Hated all of it but she did I guess “settle “. Prior to this we did do this song and dance before even down to customer building a home and she hated it so we bought our own house and she did not stop talking about how we “abandoned ” her in this big house that she can’t afford. She bought the house when I was two, we moved out when I was 30.Fast forward to now, lately she has been very political. Everytime we have any conversation it’s super negative and she throws politics into the argument/ conversation’s. Even with the kids around. We are so excited to do our backyard but everytime she chimes in super negative about how we shouldn’t bc trump is tanking the economy and my husband will loose his job and we are screwed. I have tried talking to her to stop and how this is a problem bc it makes being around her miserable. No matter what your political views I just feel like it’s exhausting to include it into every conversation especially with young young kids around. Ive even resorted to just getting up and leaving but she will play her political podcast in the main living room in the evening when everyone is home to make a point that 1) we aren’t doing enough 2) we shouldn’t do anything but prepare for the worst and stop spending money ( aka doing things to our house) she has her own living area/ retreat area with a couch ( though tons of boxes still bc she can’t make up her mind on doing anything, and she doesn’t want to feel like we are locking her up in her little corner of the house. ) and my husband and kids are gone from 830-345pm mon-Friday. She will play her stuff and talk to me when they are gone but she still continues even when they are home. She doesn’t pay anything here( nor really helps out with anything honestly) but she did put the down payment down. Is it rude of me to ask her to stop while the kids are around? My husband has different views and I know if he did what she’s doing she would loose it but he doesn’t. She talks down to us constantly and treats us like we are naïve and ignorant to the world. Am I in the wrong for asking her to take a step back? Should I ask her if she would go talk to someone? Everything is negative and political. Every time I do things to the house everything out her mouth is literally belittling and negative toward me until it’s done and then she is like wow ok that was a good idea. Sorry it’s long but so much has happened. Also just to add financially we aren not reliable on her and have almost zero debt. She swears we are bad with money or are not being good with it. Also people have told her how lucky she is that she gets to live with her grandkids and see them everyday and her son-in-law actually wants her around. She is the only family I have but my husband is about ready to hand her a check and tell her to go find her own place in the retirement community since we robbed her of that. Are we the assholes? Any advice?