This isn't really a aita but i kinda need help and to know if im in the wrong for feeling the things i feel.

I (18) female have a mother who suffered from seizures all her life. She was also not raised properly like a child should be. All my life I felt like the sole one helping her through her seizures. While my dad, who is her caretaker, normally couldn't or wouldn't handle it. She would often run away after a seizure, and she would mostly have a ton of seizures throughout the day. I feel like she would stress herself out or do it on purpose because she would normally have a seizure after their fights. My mom wasn't raised properly, and I understand that, but she's not the best person and tends to look for fights or rage bait. I haven't been the same as I used to be for a while, and after a really bad week of her yelling at me for days on end, I believed I had no one because of the choice of words she used to explain how people saw me. I became tired emotionally, and while I was once the forced therapist for my mother, I ended up tired mentally every time she yelled at me. She's apologized already, and her being super vocally abusive to me was due to a bad seizure medication, and this was years ago, but honestly, I don't think I really forgive her. Even if I try to understand, I think deep down I simply saw how sad she was about it and told her I forgave her because I love her and she loves me, but that event kind of messed me up a little, I think. I see the same thing happening years later, as she just had a seizure after yelling at me for a full day due to her being given fentanyl due to her having internal bleeding.

She wants me to talk to her because I don't share my feelings and bottle them up, but I've been doing this for years, and telling only makes it worse because I can't take it back. I realize I have control issues and feel I have to control my future as well as others. I don't know what to do because my mothers seizures are bad, and she uses the fact she could die when we fight, but I also don't want to do something stupid or have another repeat of that event. I can't move out because I'm too stupid and have to repeat another year, and I have younger siblings that would miss me, plus I don't have a job, and I'm mainly afraid that my moving would stress her out and kill her.