EDIT we’re in the uk not America, we are very limited for space. Houses cost a fortune here. Please remember that when reading the post

So for a bit of background, I 33f have 4 children, my eldest and the one in question 15m, and 3 from my current partner 8F, 7M, (FEMALE 9 MONTHS) F9m. For the first 14 year my eldest lived primarily at mine, he gets on well with his siblings and my partner, we do occasional days out together holidays etc. but when he started getting older he asked to be more based at his dads, a 10 min drive away. So he could focus more on school work, be in a more grown up environment. And then come and stay with me every other weekend and visit some weekday nights. This was what he used to do with his dad, so it was just flipping it over. I had no problem with this and his dad was happy to do it too.

Since he’s older he’s spending a lot more time out with friends, understandable, and spends less time at mine or joining in family activities. Also fine, he’s free to be his own person. The issue is now that because he’s a good chunk older than the others he has his own room, while the other 3 share a slightly bigger one.

But his time at mine has dwindled down to maybe 3 or 4 nights a month at most, he keeps all of his personal belongings his dads, clothes and the like and just bring what he needs. So essentially he has a whole room to himself and only uses a bed on rare occasions.

I asked him what he wanted to do for the next few years and we’re tight for space and saving to move. I asked that he either spends more time at ours and actually uses the room, keeps some things here and make it worth having his own room or considers keeping his things at his dads and we’ll get a sofa bed that he’s welcome to use as and when he wants to stay, or I was happy to drive him home later at night if he wishes, so that at least the others would have a bit more space, the girls would share and the youngest boy would move into his room.

From our conversations I got the image that he wants to keep it so he has somewhere to crash when he’s in town with his friends more like a hotel. Rather than having an actual room with personal things.

So AITAH for considering asking him to give up his room and figure out an alternative with me?

For clarity if he wanted to stay and spend more time then we’d find a way to make it work. Unfortunately his room is too small for both boys to share.

EDIT adding this at the bottom because everyone seems to have gotten it in their head that I don’t want my child here.

It was a reply to a comment

Yes he knows that, (that I want him at mine) his dad lives 10 mins by car not walking. He literally says it’s just more convenient for him to crash here. He’s currently talking to his baby bro as we speak about what can be done. He said he didn’t mean it how it came out, he was more worried about taking family space from the kids because he likes to have gaming sessions on the weekends and didn’t want to be in anyone’s way.