I’ve known my friend for a long time. I (47 f) met him (38 m) in audio school when I was 30. I didn’t approach him because I am socially awkward and on the spectrum. He approached me at a fast food restaurant after I had just had a massive fight with my ex. He helped me moved out from my former house while my ex stood over me.

He has been there for me every step of the way. Through the divorce of my ex who was abusive. For context I grew up in a cult and lost my entire family to it. So I considered him family. And when I met my current partner (of almost 17 years), he was there. He was the unofficial officiant at our backyard wedding. I considered to be like my brother. And I always treated him that way. He was my little brother.

I have been there for him also. Giving him contacts to our very specialised industry. That he has a masters degree in. I have encouraged him over and over again, but he doubts himself so much, and there is only so much I can do.

His partner who I have known for years and considered a friend has recently been gatekeeping. And I might have been the ah in this, but I called him repeatedly one night because after weeks of no contact when previously we had been on good terms, so the no contact came out of the blue, and I just wanted to check if he was okay. I never do this. And I felt really bad about it, but knowing his history I just wanted to make sure he was okay. It was my bad. But I was genuinely scared.

I got a message from his partner telling me to stop calling. Which I did. I was told he will contact me when he is ready. It’s been over two months now without any explanation. I have respected his wishes not to be contacted. But it feels completely unfair that I don’t even get to know where I went wrong? I am so heartbroken. I genuinely don’t know what changed. So aitah?