For context i have been in a relationship for the past 12 years and the last 3 were somewhat abusive. A lot of things happened between us but we are trying to work on ourselves. I am going to therapy and he is also trying to better himself but there is still name calling and yelling from him and avoidance and neglect from me.

I have severe ocd and this leads to tons of intrusive thoughts. I often imagine weird and disturbing things but i know that it’s not who i am. Lately i’ve been having thoughts about someone who i find attractive. It’s a guy who waved at me at the gym. I’ve never spoken to him, i haven’t waved back and over all i haven’t done or planned to do absolutely anything. If something i am completely ignoring him. But i sometimes have thoughts about him and i feel guilty after that. I have always tried to stop thoughts like that but this time i gave freedom to my brain.

I don’t know if it happens to anyone, after all there isn’t a thought police and i haven’t actually done something but i still feel bad like i am naturally a bad person and i just stop myself from being one.

My relationship is in a bad place and maybe that’s the reason why i entertain my thoughts but after all even if the things are bad this still feels wrong. Please give me your opinion.