Hi! I (20F) think I fucked up. I did not understand what was really happening during dinner tonight, I really misunderstood what was happening.

I was at dinner with some of my extended family. I was keeping to the side with my dad (step dad), sister (step sister) and mom. The only reason why I clarify step, is because when my mom pointed it out to me, added a whole new level of fucked up.

I was raised by my step dad all my life, and I never knew my bio dad. And my step dad's family is the only family that lives around us. So my extended family, my step dad's family, is all I have really interacted with. Everyone else is on the opposite side of America, with low contact.

Now here's where I really fucked up, I know I did but I genuinely do not understand it fully. My laptop just went kaput, total gone-zo. It's under warranty so I just sent it back. But I made a comment to my Aunts Fiance (who I've never talked to before in my life) about how if it wasn't for the warranty I would have tried to swap out the SSD on the motherboard myself. As I have built a couple of computers and know how to solder metal and machinery together.

He immediately started talking down to me, or at least how I perceived it as. And was asking if I knew what I was doing and if I knew how to solder and so on.

Of course I'm like what the fuck is this guy talking about and why is he talking to me like that. I didn't really want to talk with him and he just kept asking me more questions and I was getting more defensive. Mind you, the only thing I know about this guy is that he travels the world and that his name starts with a K (I think). I've met him twice before this.

And as you could've guessed, the more defensive i got the more rude I was. I kept making remarks about how it would be a fun project even still, trying to just shut down the subject and move on. But he kept asking, and I grew panicked and defensive and so on. He kept saying that it would be an expensive experiment, saying it in a tone that I took as him treating me like a child. He was doubting I had the money for it too, money for getting another version of my laptop off ebay or just finding supplies in general.

I was trying to explain that I could afford stuff like this, as I save money very well. With different accounts for different types of savings. I have about three thousand dollars saved up for just fun money, excursions or purchases. Made for, we'll fun. And I've earned all this money myself as I have two jobs that I earn a lot of money with. But he was shutting me down in this area as well.

I've been talked down before in this subject, so I really don't like talking about computer stuff with people I don't know. As I know parts, I know how to fix it, how to soldier it and so on. But I am really bad with words and explaining terms verbally.

I didn't even start the conversation, I was brought into it by my dad talking about the laptop incident and I explained what happened. I genuinely dont know if he got excited to talk about computers with someone. But again, I have never spoken to him before. I did not want to talk to him.

And I understand that when I get defensive, I lash out. And I was realizing it as I was saying it, and that's why I was trying to make myself come off better by saying it would be a fun project/experiment to do. As I could always buy the same laptop (which i got for 1000) and 2 thousand after that to buy second hand parts. (Not new, because why would I buy it new when it is an experiment)

But again. This was all a what if. Because I can't do that if it's under warranty. And he starts questioning me on this what if.

After we left dinner (this was at a busy resturant), my mom exploded at me. Saying that I should respect my elders and not treat them this way. Especially when they are trying to help me.

Which I'm super confused about, as there was nothing to help with. It was all a hypothetical that spiraled out of control.

My mom also said another reason why I was an asshole is because I kept talking about what I wanted to do with my Raspberry Pi. I have an old Raspberry Pi that I was thinking of turning into a hub for a huge storage server, as I also have a our 5 terabytes of different storages. I was talking about it with my friend who has done something similar earlier in the day, and I was talking about a potential project. This happened after the whole weird fight happened. Apparently I was rubbing my knowledge in.

I was also challenging the guy, I did not know I was. I just know that I was definitely super defensive about it. Because again, used to people talking down to me whenever I try. (9 times out of 10, with strangers, which he was to me).

I can see that being perceived that way, so I'll take the asshole verdict on that one.

My mom wanted to know why I thought it was ok to act that way, and if I was on drugs. Which that part really fucking hurt. That I shouldn't get nasty with family. How I shouldn't be an asshole and just not talk to my elders if I act like that.

Besides me feeling panicked and defensive, I acted like I would to any family member. Usually I get treated with respect and usually I've been talked to as a peer. I've been talked to as a peer ever since I was around 17.

Another thing that may make my point of view biased, is that one of my jobs is as a private caregiver. I've always been respected by the adults around me and have been treated as an authority figure. Maybe that's just gotten to my head and thought people respected me, maybe I really am a dumb kid.

I also know I misunderstood part of what was being talked about. Because I thought at one point he was talking about soldering machinery, like the regular kind. Which I know how to do. But he was actually talking about micro-soldering. Again, didn't want to talk about it. He just kept talking about the hypothetical scenario. My dad told me he was offering to help me figure it out.

But again, this wasn't an actual situation. My actual laptop is covered under warranty. I am not actually fixing it hence there was nothing to help.

Let me know if you guys need clarity, as I know I am inherently biased in this situation. I need to understand what's going on here and why I'm being treated like a child when I thought I earned my right at the adult table a long time ago.

This is no excuse but I do have pretty severe adhd and have a diagnosis for it. Was never medicated though.

I think what hurts the most is that my mom said that she wanted to know where I'm hiding drugs and that I'm treating my Aunt, who welcomed me into the family, like shit due to how I acted with her partner.