I (24)F was in a really manipulative and just abusive relationship with my ex (23)M. But we have mutual friends so it was really hard to get away from him and I had to see him at group things. Last christmas, a year after we had already been broken up, he SA'd me by trying to make me have sex with him for over 10 hours until I gave in. I know I should have called the police and I still hate the guilt that I have left behind, but he begged for hours, flashed me, he wouldnt stop touching me and also wouldn't leave my room. He also SA'd me whilst I was unconscious a few times when we were in our 2 year relationship and used to wake me up and shake me to have sex with him in the mornings otherwise I was lazy. He convinced me and his guy friends that I had mental issues and was toxic, so I think I just went with the less "dramatic" option and "let" him sleep with me at christmas so it wouldn't get crazy in front of all our friends afterwards.

Well it turns out I couldnt really get over what happened and I fell into a bad depression. He never apologised instead trying to sleep with me again the next day just because he thought he could "seduce" me and still wouldnt leave my room until I left (which idk why seemed easier during the daytime). Then I fell out with the rest of the group because I was in shock and couldn't fully work out what had happened and why, after I had said no multiple times. Because of this "grey area" over the events and the fact that I "didn't make a fuss" they stopped speaking to me anyway and everything went quiet again.

It didn't last however, as he became super close with my flatmate (22)M who I've known for over 4 years now. I had told him about the instance at christmas and he seemed to think we just had a bad breakup but they also only hung out in class so I didn't tell him much more because I felt bad. Well it turns out they're going to move in together now, so I told him I couldn't deal with that and just spilled all the bad details of how my ex treated me. Is that seflish of me? I thought I was selfish at first but I honestly don't want to even hear about my ex anymore and the thought of visiting my flatmate to hang out intheir new flat, with my ex there, sent me into a huge panic. My flatmate spoke to him about what I said and he apparently "made bad mistakes" but is very sorry so he's decided to forgive him and is continuing moving in.

I'm so confused and really really hurt by this, my ex thinks that he did nothing wrong, he says he "technically" didn't assault me and not only do I feel like I won't get justice but I'm worried he could behave the same way to someone else. I can't report it because my evidence is circumstantial, even when I asked the doctors about it they agreed it would be hard to prosecute at the time. But the worst bit is that all my old friends think I'm a just an ex being a "dramatic woman", and my flatmate says he wont cut my ex off because of it. He even got quite annoyed that I asked him to cut contact. Was I in the wrong for asking this? I said I'd speak to my ex if he was sorry to try and fix things for everyones benefit- but he completely ignored it. Instead they all avoid me now. Did I do something wrong? Now I'm doubting myself and wondering if I really am toxic?