Ok, I know how it sounds. Please just hear me out. For context, I(22f) am 7 years younger than the next youngest member of my extended family. After me it breaks into my cousins(age ranges30-40) children(newborn-13). My cousins have always had a difficult time seeing me as a person after I started reaching a more mature age. Because of this, I have dealt with a lot of depression and feelings of ostrisization. My sister(34f) has dealt with similar feelings, except the cause of which are unknown. My cousins has excluded my sister and I for as long as we can remember, and all have an excellent relationship separate from us two. My recent sister in law(30f take a year or two) who has been in our family now for 5ish years roughly, has also begun to be excluded.

Now to the story, my cousin who is getting married(30f) has included all of my female cousins with the exception of one girl who was just married in this past summer, and my sisters and myself. All of the other girl cousins have been asked to be in the wedding party. My sisters, mother, and I have had a hard time coming to terms and accepting this without our feelings being hurt. She asked cousins to be included that she isn’t close with at all? So why not us? I understand that it is her wedding. I would never want to ruin it in any way, shape, or form. I’m not vindictive, I’m not vengeful, but I feel a sense of deep sadness and rejection, after what I thought was a bit of a make up period between me and my cousins(her specifically) this past Christmas. My aunt knows that I have had a hard time with this, but yet continues to ask me to help out with the wedding in ways that feel like a pity job. Like, great, my sister and mother and I get to man the coffee counter and make espresso’s and lattes for everyone while the rest of my cousins, aunts, get to dance it up having fun in the bridal party. I get stuck having to set up the bridal shower while they have fun on their bachelorette. Do you see where I’m going with this? I’ve been asked to do what feels like the dirty work, pity jobs. Like I am just seen as hands. I have told my aunt that I will get back to her on these “jobs”, because right now I’m not even sure if I can handle attending this wedding without years of family trauma unloading and it potentially ruining her wedding. I don’t want to do that. I genuinely just want to know if I am being over emotional over this, or if my feelings are justified.

Thank you guys for your honesty.

-Bagles