I (F16, OP) got in a relationship with my (M16, we'll say John...) boyfriend online. Me and John have dated for about 1 month so far, knowing each other for a year. In the first 6 months of knowing him, John introduces me to (M15, we'll say Jose). John and Jose have been friends for as long as I can remember. John has been coming to me for comfort and such, just like normal people would in a casual relationship when they are troubled.

Soon, John makes a confession, telling me that Jose has been touching him inappropriately recently. After playing with John for a while, Jose joins and plays with us. I encourage him on his efforts and think nothing of it. John texts to me just after I get off my PC and says, "Do you like Jose? In a friend way?" I respond with, "Yes, I do. still have a slight grudge on him though, Is that a problem?" John doesn't respond for a while, and I can tell something is up.

He answers a few minutes later with, "Umm... yeah, I'm good. It just hurts me that you are. If I knew someone and they touched you I would honestly hate them..." Arguments between me and John have always ended with me saying I couldn't look at him from his perspective. He asks me why I'd still be friends with him and give him encouraging messages after I was informed that Jose was doing all of this to John. I try to reason with him, saying how I was an easy forgiver and how everyone deserves kindness in a way.

To which he responds, "Thank you for saying this. I appreciate it... I understand you being nice to Jose, that's fine... it's just when I think of you being friends with someone who did that to me, it makes me sick to my stomach. I know you find the best in people and that's one of the best things about you... I am forgiving, but only when people change their behavior and apologize, to which Jose has done neither. I know you care about me, it just hurts and makes me doubt it when this happened. As you are my girlfriend it makes me confused and hurt at the thought of you liking (jealousy?? All I do with Jose is give him art advice, or do art commission for him.) or even worse, being friends with him, someone who raped me. Raped me. I know you can't hate him and I'm not saying you need to either, I just hope you can possibly understand where I'm coming from here. If, for some reason, you still want to be friends with him, I'm not going to force you to not be, I'm not like that and I don't want to be like that. I love you and if you want something it can be that way... I just can't be here to support it, it just goes against my boundaries for myself. Also, if you want to be his friend still or have any doubts at all about it, I'd like you to tell me. I don't want it to seem like I'm overreacting, but this is a very serious topic for me."

Just after telling me he didn't want to force me to not be friends (more like acquaintance) with Jose, he throws this bowling ball at me, "So he's still considered a friend to you, huh. If that's the case, idk if I can continue to do this, as much as I love you. It just goes against my personal boundaries. I don't want to force you to do anything." Since I do dearly love John, this hurts me deeply to know he'd give up on our relationship over how I viewed his ex-friend. I haven't responded yet.

AITAH if I choose to continue to be friends with Jose and end my relationship with John, or to confront John about his narcissism?