I am 31 years old and my friend is 34 years old. I know this is gonna come off at some high school drama stuff that we shouldn’t even be concerned about, but this has been going on the last two years and I’m still holding anger and trying to find a way to let go and all honestly I don’t wanna be anger about this and after all this, I just need to know if I’m in the wrong.

During the pandemic, me and my best friend or single and out there mingling. We were both going through a hard times in our lives me going through a break up with a long-term relationship and her fighting custody with her only child. We found comfort and support in each other. We even lived with each other for about six months I had offered her to stay in our extra room for $400 a month. We got really close, and I thought I could trust her so I told her a lot of personal information such as me being scared I’m not gonna find anyone in life or that I’m unlovable or that I’m not gonna be able to have kids. Come to find out she all uses this against me later on. Now for the first three months of us living together, you did not have her pay rent because she didn’t have a job and I said to her wait until she gets the job and gets settled and then she can start paying rent. As the months went on, she finally got a job and did not mention anything about rent and started spending her first paycheck immediately. The first week of the month I went into a room and said hey could you pay $400 for rent? She looked at me very disappointed and said that she already had everything allocated and that I should’ve told her sooner. I said no problem just make payments and we can start fresh next month. We were going out a lot while we were living together and we ended up meeting the security guard at a bar that we went to very frequently now, some very important information My friend is polyamorous and I’ve always supported her. I don’t judge her, but I am very monogamous and little selfish and I like my person being my person only. I didn’t think we were gonna have issues in that department, but here came the very first issue. She had the a crush on the security guard and talked frequently about wanting to hook up with him. She would flirt with him and get his contact information, but they hadn’t hooked up and she was telling everyone at the bar how she wanted to get with him. I think this got back to him. He ended walking up to me one night and telling me “he did not want to hook up with my friend.” I looked at him and said you probably should go tell her that then. He never ended up telling her and even asked to hang out with me. I didn’t think anything of it and I hung out and watched a movie with him. We did not hook up. It was not a big deal because I did not think we were a good match. And nothing ever went on between us. I did talk to my friend about hanging out with him. She knew what was going on the whole time and said she was fine with it. About a week later we went out again we ended up out until the bar ended up closing, and we hung out my car and we were talking to him when he asked us where you’re about to do I told him I was gonna go home and sleep and while she said, she was gonna go home and make something to eat and asked him if he wanted to come over. I ended up taking her and him home to her place and knew that they probably were gonna hook up, I get a call the next day, her bragging about hooking up with him saying how amazing the night was and how much stuff they have in common. I moved on past this. I told her congratulations and it seems like they were talking and hanging out more often. I will admit this seemed like she was rubbing it in my face. The following month when rent came up again, she ended up telling me she was going to move out and so she wasn’t going to end up paying me that month rent. I told her that was fine even though I did feel some way about it because she had been in my house for six months without paying any rent, she moved down and we went about our time as friends I got over the initial weirdness and we all became friends. One of the next times we went out I ended up introducing her to a photographer that I had a big crush on. I’m a very shy girl if I do not tell guys I like them, I don’t go up to them in a lot of times even if they say they like me, I don’t believe it. That’s an insecurity of mine that I have to work on but she knew this is how I felt. I had known him for about two years and he did some photos for a burlesque show I was in. every time he was out and about, and I saw him, I would turn to my best friend and say I have such a big crush on him but I don’t think I’m his type. I had said this more than a few times to her when we ran into him and she knew it. One time I ended up actually introducing them when we saw him and since she is a photographer, I told them initially I think they should work or work together. She was trying to make only fans and she took it as they should work on her only fans together. Within a week she had coffee with him. She had done photos with him and then was cornering me asking if it was OK that they did only fans content together. Again, I’m not judgmental, but I am not an only fans girl never will be. In sex is just very intimate to me. And even though I am not delusional, I did not think I was going to get with this man. I didn’t even think he liked me, but I was hurt the fact that she would even ask because she was my friend and I would just hope she knew I was uncomfortable with the whole situation in the end, I told her that they were adults so I was not gonna tell them what to do. Come to find out a few days later that they had already hooked up, had already done content together, and she just didn’t tell me. Her excuse was she wanted to tell me in person and she just didn’t know how to explain it to me. But she had no interest in him and didn’t even find him really attractive. We got an argument because I was hurt that she lied to me. And she ended up texting him and telling him that I had a crush on him. At that point, I was severely embarrassed. He had texted me, and I didn’t even want to speak to him let alone see him. I wasn’t mad, but I was embarrassed that I had a crush on him someone, I barely knew. I ended up awkwardly avoiding the whole situation. Every time I saw him or she brought it up. I kinda would not or change the subject, and they continue to work together. And he started to approach her more when we were out and about. I felt like he was acting weird towards me and I told her that even though I said, like I was letting it go. I do remember walking out my house to meet her in my driveway, cat door open, and he was on speakerphone and he said these exact words to her through the phone not knowing I was standing there. “ I don’t know why she’s so mad. I don’t wanna have sex with her.” Months went by and I tried to be a good friend. I tried to be supportive and just brush everything off as if it was all just a miscommunication. I thought I was just a jealous friend that she was getting attention, but after a few months friends started to come forward and asked me questions. It took a little prying, but I found out that she was telling people things such as I’m insecure, and how I was trying to steal her men and get with the guys that she gets with. And the security guard in the beginning also told me that my best friend told him I was angry with him that we didn’t hook up. Which was not true because he tried to hook up with me and I told him no. She then proceeded to tell the security guard that I was sleeping with a mutual friend that she had ended up dating for a few months. This mutual friend flirts with everyone and it was harmless, friendly, flirting I had never hooked up with him. I was truly hurt by all the rumors she was spreading and did not know how to who to believe so I ended the friendship. After two years, we would run into each other randomly and I missed our friendship and didn’t feel as much anger when I saw her. I ended up, accepting her back into my life as an acquaintance, and we were trying to work up to being friends again. I invited her to my birthday party. She helped take care of me when I was drunk. But something just still didn’t feel right about the whole situation. She was overcompensating saying that I was her best friend and that she loves me and that we should just be friends again. She also brought up the photographer and said that she is now running a business with him. They are really good friends, and I was the whole reason that they ended up friends and making a business” this rubbed me the wrong way and I don’t know why I can’t quite put my finger on why it gets me so angry. After my birthday we were planning to hang out and she messaged me randomly saying she needed to tell me something. She ended up telling me that her and the photographer had been talking the year and a half that me and her weren’t friends and that they had gotten close and weren’t telling anybody, but decided to start dating. The first thing I said was congratulations and I was happy you guys found each other, but as I laid in bed, my blood started to boil and I got more and more angry. I did realize that me and the photographer guy probably were never going to work out, not just because I didn’t think he was into me but because I think we have a different outlook on life and certain things and I just don’t think we would mesh well together. I have no feelings for him, but it still made me angry. I ended up telling her that I know myself I know my boundaries and I just don’t wanna put myself in an uncomfortable situation so I will support her from afar. I ended up messaging him as well and congratulating him, but him messaging back, ended up into argument and him saying that I was just jealous that she made the effort to get to know him and that I didn’t. I want to be her friend, but I just don’t know how to let go of this anger, and I also feel like I was being manipulated and played in some type of way. I know it could just be my insecurities, but I just want this anger to go away. so am I the asshole?

Thank you so much for reading all of that ! There was another red flags and things that I can go further on, but I was trying to not make this post longer than it already is 🫶