I’m (f36) ten years older than my brother (M, 26) so we had a dramatically different experience being raised. My mom (f,66) was a single mom for a long time when she met my step dad (m,64), and they started a family together. Overall it was a net positive for me, and he is a great step parent to me and my now kids (6,m) and (4,m).

I was always taught self reliance, and paid for myself in every way. My first car had a small sum paid towards it by my parents, but I paid off the bulk of it by having a job. I paid for almost everything related to my university and moving away for my first real job, I’ve always taken care of myself. I don’t have any issue with this, it makes a lot of sense and has driven me to be an independent adult.

However, my brother, ten years younger, is entitled and expectant of things, and my mom and step dad do what they can to help. They bought a condo and are “renting” it to him and some roommates, and my mom has made it pretty clear that when he doesn’t have a job, which is often, that she covers the mortgage for him. He recently “lost” his job because he decided not to sign an NDA, which is pretty standard for larger companies, and they make it out to be like he’s avoided the big, bad corporation by not signing it. Well, he’s been unemployed for awhile now.

I don’t really care, my brother doesn’t take any opportunity to come hang out with us or his nephews, even though we let him know he has a place to stay here and we’d love to see him. I however have been gainfully employed for the past decade and been crushing financial goals, and bought a house and have been living in it with my own family. We’re lucky, I know, but we worked hard to be here too.

Well, over the past few weeks my mom has been gushing about a skiing trip she’s taking with my stepdad. Great. They’ve been making more money recently and they’ve been saving up to have a good time with their friends. No issues there. Well, she’s been texting me and shares a pic of my brother with their friend group. Apparently they’ve been paying for him to come with them and ski. This is a big deal because we are nowhere near ski country, so this is a big plane trip, expensive resort hotels, big dinners, etc.

Now I feel really hurt. I’ve always been on my own. Even when I was a kid and paying my way for college, I was responsible for my own way. I travelled to Ireland when I was 19 and my brother was 9, and my mom and stepdad paid to come out there with me and experience parts of the tour with me. But I paid for all my way, and I’m still paying on it. Now they’re having lavish family vacations without me. I understand that it’s difficult now that I have a family, they can’t just whip me up and take me out to Colorado like my brother. But my mom does not pay for anything for me. When we go out to dinner occasionally we usually end up going Dutch just to spread the cost out. When we visit my mom, it’s yours truly who drives the hour to my moms house to make the visit happen. My mom didn’t move closer to me when she and stepdad moved, she moved closer to her friends, and I’m the one who has to drive 80% of the time.

Well now I’m 37 and I just have no patience. Am I the asshole if I speak up and point out the clear favoritism here?

The icing on the cake is that my grandmother, my mother’s mom, does the same exact thing to my uncle, my mother’s brother. My mom bitches and moans about how my grandmother pays for my uncle’s apartment, and she’s on a limited income, and how my uncle’s always doing the absolute bare minimum and my grandmother is always gushing about what a great guy he is, when my mom is the one taking my grandmother to appointments and making sure she’s got food and a phone and the basics. My mom is my grandmother, and my brother is my uncle. And my mom is doing the same thing. And she has the nerve to bitch and complain to me about it while she pays for my brother to go on lavish ski trips.

How can I possibly look her in the face and listen to her complain about her brother when my brother is the same exact person? How do I not laugh in her face??