AITAH? My partner (F) and I (F) have been together for almost 13 years. We are both in our mid-20s. About 7 or 8 years ago, my partner started talking to a group of people online. She would text them obsessively from the time we woke up until we went to bed. She lost interest in talking about anything we both previously enjoyed and only wanted to talk about things her and her friends liked. She would ignore me at home in person and if I called her on the phone so she could text her friends. I was very upset that suddenly some random people from the internet could make my partner lose all interest in me. I ended up breaking up with her and dated someone else for a month or so, broke up with them because I missed her, and we got back together. She was still friends with these people but promised to control her texting habit. It turns out, these friends are not exactly supportive of gay people. Considering we are gay, I was extremely uncomfortable to learn this. My partner then (and now) thinks this is a ridiculous reason not to like her friends, but the way I view it, they are fundamentally against our relationship. My partner has no tolerance for homophobia in day to day life. I just don't understand how you can talk to these people you have never met every day and let your relationship they don't approve of fall to the wayside.

Fast forward to now, I bought a house for us last year. We have a lovely cat and group of friends. My partner is still actively talking to this group of friends online as well. After I bought our house, I was in a car accident. I had just started a new full-time job in our area and didn't take time off to recover. My partner works part-time, and we can not afford our bills on her take-home pay. The day after my wreck, I came home from work in pain, and my partner told me she was going upstairs to watch a movie with her friends. So I cooked dinner for both of us and cleaned while she talked on the phone for three hours until it was time for me to go to bed for work the next day. I was really upset and brought up the idea of breaking up if watching a movie with these people was more important than prioritizing me and our relationship. She promised she would start putting me first and cut down again on how often she was talking to these friends. Yesterday, she told me she is flying out in three weeks to go see her group of online friends in the opposite corner of the country. I am trying to control how bitter and angry I feel about it, but part of me feels like I am always going to come second to these people and like I should end our relationship. Maybe I am just crazy. My partner says she feels like I don't love her for her and I have no authority to stop her from visiting whoever she wants to visit, but I feel like if I had friends that disapproved of my relationship with my significant other, I would have no time for them. Especially if my partner was hurt by it.

So, am I the asshole for being angry and telling her I don't support her going to see them? Writing all this out makes me feel silly, but this has been going on and building up for years and years. Obviously, she is going whether I like it or not. I just want to know if others feel I have a right to be upset. She doesn't want me talking to any of our friends irl about it, and I don't have friends of my own that I trust enough to disclose this to. I don't want to break up. We have been together since we were kids and she is my best friend. I can't stomach the idea of losing her. Thanks for any advice or insight. Will probably delete this sooner rather than later since she uses reddit.