so i (29f) have a roomate (31f) who i am having disagreements with. weve lived together before for a bit during 2018-2020 and that ended in distaster. many things from cleaning up after herself to just paying bills on time. most recently, we had an argument that is (un-surprisingly) not new. its something ive made known in the past that im uncomfortable with and something she swore she would handle better in the future. i am the only one on the lease. i let my roomate move in almost 2 years ago because she had nowhere else to go and i had an extra room. Even though it didn't end well before, she literally was going to be on the streets, I couldn't just NOT. she hasnt expressed any kind of timeline of her finding her own place even though we have had multiple arguments and shes said she was going to leave twice before. she didnt have a job when she moved in but eventually got one and we agreed to split bills down the middle. there have been multiple instances of her not quite paying on time resulting in late fees. she quit her job two months ago so we are currently behind on two different bills as she hasnt had income. the issue though thats most recent. ive expressed before that im not super comfortable with company. im not super comfortable having people i dont know in my home. seeing as how in the past, when she was in a different living situation, she felt much the same. she was also uncomfortable with the many people going in and out of her space. however it seems she no longer has those views.

the first person she brought over that i didnt personally know was her ex, who apparently used to lay hands on her. he started an argument with me in my living room about trans rights. i told her please dont ever bring that man back over. she agreed. shes had other people over since who are not like that at all, they're chill. but that was my very first impression of the men she keeps company with. there was an instance where i was getting off work for break and i just wanted to come home to sleep. however, when i got home, she had company over and they were listening to music and yapping so i couldnt rest, i just scrolled tiktok for 2hrs. NBD. That kinda comes with having a roommate yn? the next day it was the same thing. i expressed to her i wish she would warn me if we have company. she said she was sorry and she said she would let me know in the future. i did not mind that person, i just didnt like not being aware that someone was there until i parked and saw someones car. her argument is that im being the AH because she pays half the bills (most times) and she trusts my judgement on who i bring over and isnt upset when theres someone and she isnt there. its my apartment. its in my name. if something happens, even if im not there, i will be held responsible by my landlord.

a few days ago, she brought her monthly boyfriend over and let him spend the night while i wasnt there. i havent met this man, i dont even know his name. he could be a super nice dude who is great for her i dont really care. i just want to know when and who is in my apartment. everytime i have company over, mainly my bf, i always shoot her a text to let her know. that way shes not coming home from somewhere expecting to relax and then having company pushed in her face. If it's ever someone new, (not in the past 1 1/2 years) I tell her who it is, how we are connected, and some common interests so they get along. I wouldn't expect that last part from her but i treat her how i would like to be treated when it comes to informing her of company. she claims she should have equal say since she pays equal bills (mostly)

i had to ask her to buy her own towels when she moved in. in the almost 2yrs shes been here, she hasnt bought any of her own dishes, none of her own washcloths, she uses the things i buy for the house like trash bags, paper towels, she uses my dang toothpaste and facewash for christs sake. which is ridiculous because at the time, she could afford her own, she just was lazy i guess? content with just mooching off my stuff until i finally noticed that she watered down my face wash I had no idea she was using ☠️ she's even gone as far as to steal my food out of the cupboard, AFTER she asked for some and I said no because I was low. the few times i just couldnt afford these things i asked her to buy them. She has never even offered to get groceries for us both even though I fed her for the first few months she was here. she has never volunteered to help support the house unless ive been in between jobs. which ive never had to take her up on so she just never volunteered after that. and even when i ask her to buy toilet paper, sometimes she just cant do it. whether its because she spent her last $15 on art supplies, or because currently, atm, she hasnt had a job in 2 months.

this is a vicious cycle. we have a conversation about something like cleaning up her own messes, or saving money for bills before impulse buying, or something as simple as if she fills up a trashcan, to take the trash to the dumpster instead of just leaving the bag on the floor in the kitchen. she claims she ALWAYS forgets. "oh im sorry i forgot" no freaking way dude. and then after several times of her forgetting the same thing ive asked how i can help her better remember, ive made lists, ive texted reminders. NOTHING WORKS. its like she refuses to retain any kind of information if she just doesnt feel like doing something. she will use the last of something and then just let the empty bottle sit on the floor instead of trashing it. so ive just resorted to throwing her trash into her room.

Im fed up. and when im upset, she feels VICTIMIZED. like im attacking her personally just because im upset. am i not allowed to be upset? she claims ive invalidated her feelings. what about mine??? i threw away my own waffle maker because she kept using it and leaving waffle batter everywhere until i have to ask her to clean it everytime. now shes saying she feels like she lives with an angry parent. and i feel like i live with the teenage version of myself. i used the same excuses when i was younger. i eventually had to live on my own and grow and learn. she has never lived on her own. shes never been on a lease. shes always hopped from place to place until her and the other person just cant stand each other. i hate this is happening with my best friend but i cannot stand it. idk what to do. shes bipolar and has actual paranoid delusions. im not exaggerating, honestly. everywhere we go, even if its just a simple interaction at the drive through, she thinks someone hates her and is being rude or talking about her somehow. She's quit multiple jobs over the years because she says she's being bullied. its actually inaane and i feel like if i dont validate her delusions, shes going to turn on me! and she has! I've supported her as much as I can, I've pushed her to do things that have put her in better positions in life. i can no longer lower myself to the level of anxiety and discomfort she feels to validate her. ive worked so hard in therapy to learn that i cant worry about things beyond my control and THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL but im still worried. anyway, sorry for ranting, AITAH for wanting to know when someones going to be in my home?