My husband (39m) and I (40f) have been married for seven years. A few weeks ago, we had an argument and I flat out asked him if there was anyone else. He paused and said “Yes…It’s Joan”. Joan is a woman he works with that is married with two kids and an abusive husband. He talked about how he had thoughts of “taking her away and showing her how a real man would treat her”. I was obviously upset but the next day he said he didn’t know why he had said that and he didn’t have feelings for Joan.

Last week, we went to the mall. He went into a store and asked them if they had a Taylor Swift funko pop. When I questioned him, he said “Oh Joan said she’s been looking for one for months and I told her if I found one I would get it for her”.

Fast forward to yesterday, the day before our wedding anniversary. We’re at a small farmer’s market type event and he says he has to “get something for Joan because she took our daughter to soccer today while we were busy”. She did that because our daughters play on the same team and I had to work and my husband was also busy. So yes, she did us a favor.

He proceeds to pick out lotion “because she has dry hands”, a pen “because her favorite color is blue” and a Disney coaster “because she loves Beauty and the Beast”. At this point I stopped and stared at him and asked him what MY favorite color was. He hesitated before picking pink. I asked what MY favorite movie was. He had no answer.

Today was our anniversary. I had very carefully chosen a gift that he had been saying he wanted for weeks (an acoustic guitar). He was initially excited when I told him but then got mad that I asked what he had gotten me. The answer? Nothing. No flowers. No candles. Nothing. He then grabbed a ring from the farmer’s market we were at today and tried to give it to me.

He doesn’t seem to understand why I am upset. In my mind, his gift from me was very thoughtful and I was hurt that he stated he was going to get me a gift next week when we go out to dinner to celebrate our anniversary. In his mind, I’m overreacting. Thoughts?