I (31f) am married to a wonderful man (30m). For some background, I met my husband while he was living with his ex (who ill call Karen), as she rented out my basement apartment. I would like to stress...THEY WERE NOT TOGETHER but he wanted to be able to see his son so he offered to live with her to help out. I'd also like to stress that she was seeing other people at the time. She likes to say that they were dating because it makes him look bad but she was married and had a baby with another man before him and I were even together 4 months (she was 5 months pregnant by that time). She was also very abusive mentally and emotionally. Would scream at him at all hours of the night for something as simple as cutting a dessert with a spoon instead of a knife. She would let her baby scream until he couldn't breath and would also yell at him to 'Shut the f$ck up' nearly every day.

From the beginning of our relationship his family has continually ignored me or been downright rude. His two sisters in particular who happen to be best buds with his ex. Ill call them Jen and Riley. Jen in particular has been especially rude by closing doors in my face, ignoring me outright etc. She's also very rude to my husband with things like reporting his every move Karen which in turn would cause her to yell and scream and eventually not let him see his son at all. Riley would call his ex and make fun of me to her, which I had the misfortune of overhearing. His step mom (who I'll call Gwen) would also call and scream at him when he tried to put his boundaries down with Karen.

In the beginning of our relationship, I tried really hard to be included in the family by talking to everyone and making sure we went to every family event and after about 6 months of weekly sunday dinners and having them just look at me and having no one engage in conversation with me, I starting sitting off in the corner by myself. No one cared. In the first year of it I had one instance someone tried to include me but I felt so uncomfortable by that point that I told them I was OK and just went back to my phone. Even when I was diagnosed with a severe health issue, they barely acknowledged me.

And before anyone starts coming at my husband, he tried to have conversations with them about it numerous times but they treat him like dirt and it just went ignored and because both of us have trauma in our pasts, we're prone to being walked all over.

After a period of this, my husband couldn't stand seeing me upset by this so he finally, with the help of a therapist, got the courage to start saying no to his family dinners. We thought it would lessen the stress but they just turned to getting pissed that we weren't there every week anymore. We still tried to go for big events but even then it was basically like we weren't there anyway. This last Christmas was the beginning of the end.

As I mentioned before, Karen wont let my husband see their son. Hes tried repeatedly to do so and we have proof of it. This year, we went out to eat with his whole family for Christmas. Gwen decided to ask about him seeing his son and told him he was a bad father because he never tries to see him despite the fact that he really has. I told him that we shouldn't do family gatherings at all anymore.

Fast forward to April of this year and his sister is getting married. He felt obligated to go and I didnt want him to go alone because of how he's treated so I went with him as support. Turns out, his sister invited Karen to the wedding. Which we only found out about while attending said wedding. We felt like it was complete disregard for our feelings and a major disrespect to us individually and as a married couple. Not just because she was invited but because we weren't warned so that we could make a proper decision about attending.

We had a few days to stew over it and eventually I texted the family in their family chat (which we also get ignored in) and asked if they could remove me as I didnt feel like part of the family. After two and a half years of being basically ignored, they all decided that im part of the family but im at fault for not being included because I remove myself from their gatherings. I was basically told that if they're all telling me that, then I need to realize its the truth. I ended up blocking them but now I feel guilty and im wondering if I really am the problem. I really feel like I tried to be included and get to know them. I just feel like im a brat now and maybe I didnt try hard enough for long enough. How long is someone supposed to try and make themselves agreeable to their spouses family? AITAH?