For context, I have BPD and Autism. He also is Autistic so our relation is problematic at times.

I am 25(genderfluid), and my boyfriend is 27(man)

We live together because he was homeless for a while, not because I was ready to move in with someone. I really wasn’t. And I knew I wasn’t, but he NEEDED somewhere to stay. So I put it aside.

I’m not even really upset about the shoes, it just got all my emotions running. For context, it’s the Hot Topic Invader Zim shoes.

I let him wear them, ONCE. ONE TIME. But then one day, when leaving the house, I saw that the middle letter to the rubber piece on the laces (look up the shoes if you don’t know what I’m talking about) was broken off. On BOTH shoes. They were dirty as well.

I haven’t even worn them yet. They were a little too big on me, I have chronic illness issues, including malnutrition (I’m working on it) so I’m expecting to gain weight. That could change my size in everything, so I decided, even though they were too big, might as well wait to see if I grow into them.

He’s BEEN wearing them. Without telling me. He BROKE them. Without telling me.

When I brought it up, all he was saying was “I’ll buy you a new pair”. But it’s not about that the shoes are broken. It’s about that he didn’t tell me AT ALL.

He’s just…. Mean. There’s no other word for his behavior. I love him, and I understand that he grew up in a horrible environment and never learned how to do things, and how to handle problems, but I have been WORKING on myself. I have been doing everything. HE LIVES IN MY HOUSE FOR GODS SAKE.

I’m sharing almost everything I own, and he knows it makes me uncomfortable. He knows how upset I am that I don’t have my own space and as much privacy as before. And he chose to disrespect and disregard ALL of that, for a pair of SHOES.

How is a borrowing a pair of shoes (he has his own) more important than respecting my space and boundaries??

For more context on why this upset me so bad, it’s because he does this kind of stuff a lot. Including weaponized incompetence.

Like, as an example. One time, I was sick. Like, can’t get up sick. All I wanted, the only thing that sounded good, was a grilled cheese. Just a grilled cheese.

I have a plug in grill type thing, so it’s not to hard. I’ve shown him how to use it, how to make a grilled cheese with it, etc. it’s really easy.

He decided, to instead, USE THE TOASTER, to toast the bread (hardly). Put cheese in the middle, MICROWAVE IT, and give it to me.

The whole texture and everything was wrong. It was gross. If you’ve ever microwaved bread and cheese, you know what I’m talking about. He thought it was funny that he messed up. He always does. It’s always just a big joke.

Then later, decided to ask me to make him food. I almost passed out while cooking because I didn’t eat anything that day.

I’m so tired. He said he’s going to get therapy, and I believe him. I know he’s a good person. But it just hurts. It hurts so bad. I don’t know what to do, and I’m mainly just looking for reassurance that I’m not overreacting. It’s just gotten to a point that I can’t handle. It’s been going on so long. I’ve told him I hate when he does these things, he apologizes, and does it again. It’s just hurtful, and mean. It’s just so, MEAN. On top of all of this, he told me it’s because of his exes he’s had.

Which, okay. I get it. I completely understand making those jokes because of past trauma, but I have done everything I can to get better and be the best I can. And he’s done nothing. No effort, just nothing. I’m giving so much and getting nothing back. Why don’t I get a chance to just be me? Why wont he just see me as me? I have proven over and over that I am a kind person. That I love him. I just want him to see me as me, not as his exes.