For some context here, I’m in highschool and I was in a friend group (no longer together), with 4 people including my ex and I. I won’t name any real names, so we’ll call my ex Valerie, the friend she was getting touchy with Kate, and my friend, Mia.

My ex is a very affectionate person and enjoys PDA, and her love language is physical touch. I, on the other hand, don’t really like PDA nor do I like physical touch, especially in school. She doesn’t like confrontation and is avoidant and ignorant to problems in front of her. Not only that, but instead of taking accountability, she blames it on other things or other people.

Valerie used to be closer with Mia since she met her first before we got together. I’d sit at lunch with Mia and my other friends, but Valerie sat upstairs because she apparently had “opps” in the cafeteria. Mia would occasionally sit with her upstairs and I’d try to invite her to sit with us as well. Soon, everyone became acclimated and we all sat together downstairs. I did notice that Valerie would cuddle up with Mia during and after school, which, maybe i was just assuming things, but made me think that Valerie liked Mia. It eventually came to a stop, and Mia told me about how uncomfortable it made her. When she told Valerie to stop, Valerie would laugh it off and call her “touchphobic”.

We’d have a school dance in the fall and I mostly hung out with Valerie and Mia. One truth or dare game turned into a kiss, and afterwards she didn’t mention anything about it, but instead confided in Mia and kept saying that she wanted to date me but that I was also being avoidant about it. I’ll admit I was, but at the time I didn’t know what I was feeling.

Time skip to several months later to when we started dating at the end of summer break. We went on a few dates, called, texted a bunch, the normal.

However.. at the beginning of the school year, I noticed that she grew closer with Kate than she was last year. I didn’t think anything of it at the time. But, they’d then start to cuddle each other in class and after school. It would range from hand holding under the desk to spooning in our school library. It made myself and others extremely uncomfortable, but I knew that if I told her, she’d just laugh it off like she did with Mia.

Another timeskip to tech week for our school’s musical. I was in cast with Kate, and she was doing crew with Mia. That’s when things got worse. Throughout tech week, my ex was yelling at people, making them cry, and acting over controlling when there was somebody already in charge. Her cuddling with Kate also worsened, and I literally had to sit between her and Kate just so they wouldn’t cuddle. One day, Mia and I called after tech when she overheard people guessing who Valerie was dating. Valerie was making a game of it, and one person thought it was Kate. Instead of denying it, she just laughed it off as usual then eventually said it was me.

The day of the first show when they were cuddling in the library again, I couldn’t take it anymore and just left, not wanting to see it. I know communication is key, but she never seems to want to communicate any problems unless brought up. If she did, she’d never talk to me, but Mia about it.

As the show was about to begin a few hours later, I was looking for Valerie. At the bottom of the staircase, I found her kissing Kate. They didn’t notice me. She’d be smiling at her as she pulled away, and rub the lipstick off of her while Kate seemed clueless. I didn’t confront them yet because I didn’t want to start crying before the show even started.

It was futile to try and hold my tears back, as I eventually ran off to the bathroom and began to ugly cry about it, thinking it was my fault since I told her I didn’t like physical touch and she now had to somebody else for it. She watched me run to the bathroom crying, but said nothing. Several people, some who I was venting about this issue to, came to the bathroom to comfort me. Valerie was the last person to come into the bathroom and ask if I was okay after 6 people went after me. After I sucked it up and went back on stage, Valerie told my friend that she thinks I’m crying because I missed a line. When I got off, I went to the band room and saw another friend of mine, Kaylie, crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said that Valerie snapped and said she wasn’t good enough for tech and cussed her out, then asked me a question that made me wonder as well, “Why are you still even with her?”

That night, when I saw Valerie trying to approach, I was too upset to talk to her and just left as soon as I could. Before I went to bed, I sent a paragraph long message basically saying I was really upset and uncomfortable by their cuddling and now kissing.

It took a day for her to reply. It wasn’t even an apology, no, an excuse—in fact, I was the one who had to apologize for overreacting.

We talked it out, but, her excuse was, “Kate reminded me of a friend who just almost died,” and other stuff. But, she also mentioned her autism making it hard.

Now, I don’t wanna seem ableist, but she’s not even diagnosed, yet every excuse she makes she pinpoints it on her autism, and also complains about not taking her meds when she doesn’t even have any prescribed to her.

Back on topic, we made up, but nothing was the same after that. It was extremely awkward between us. In fact, I found myself growing disdainful towards her character and eventually asked her “OPPs”, or, her old friend group about it, and got the truth revealed to me: she distanced herself despite them wanting to include her, disrespected their religion, and completely snapped at this girl who tried to comfort her during hard times. At this point, I wasn’t surprised.

All of this would lead to our inevitable break up. It was honestly for the better for me, but since it broke up our friend group, I don’t know how to feel. None of this would’ve happened if I didn’t confess. We don’t talk to them anymore, and till this day, they still cuddle in class and make people uncomfortable.