I (29F) am at odds with my husband (37M) and his best friend (37M) at the moment.

I could really use y’all’s feedback on something because I am so confused and feel like my head is spinning.

Last summer, my husband’s friend was talking with us about relationships. Everytime we see this friend, he is always telling me to make things work with my husband and I should stick by him (his marriage fell apart so I always assumed he was hurting and just wanting the best for us). It was nice at first but then got annoying when I realized his friend always directs those comments at me and me only.

Anywho, we were having this convo. His friend tends to hop all over the place when he is talking, but he stops and says, “I’m not sure I should say this or not because you might not like it”. I told him go ahead and hit me with it.

He proceeds to tell me that I should stay with my husband because “now that you have had a baby, you’ve got tiger stripes and no man wants that”. He said this as I sat in the backseat with my 8 month old baby. My husband was in the passenger seat and he said nothing. I was obviously pissed.

I brought it up later and my husband said he did not hear his friend and wasn’t paying attention. Then he tried to tell me I was probably overreacting and misunderstood him. We never reached a conclusion, only argued because he insisted I was misunderstanding and causing drama.

Recently, this friend came around and made a comment about how if I “make it” one day, then everyone gets to “make it” with me (he was talking money). I asked my husband what he meant by this and he clarified, to which I stated that if I ever came upon large sums of money that friend is the LAST person I’d share it with because he owes me an apology. My husband asked why and I brought up the comments made last summer.

He told me, “that wasn’t about you, it was about his ex wife”. We argued. He then called up his friend to tell me himself. Then his friend and I argued about it over the phone. Then my husband blamed me and said I escalated things because I cut his friend off and raised my voice… mind you, his friend is NOTORIOUS for that and he did it to me first.

Even if he said this about his ex wife and I somehow misheard and mis-remembered every thing… at the time, the topic we were talking about was my husband and I working things out and staying together. So even if he brought this up as an example, it’s clearly directed at me… no? Based on context. (And I don’t agree with that comment AT ALL whether it was directed at his ex wife or not).

Anyways. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so tired of being subtly disrespected and gaslit. I feel like I’m losing my confidence and sanity and starting to wonder about the relationship overall.

Am I overreacting here?? He is blaming me for everything and making it seem like I am being a huge pain in the butt for all of this especially since the original comment was made almost a year ago.

TLDR : my husband’s friend told me that once a woman has a baby and develops tiger stripes, no man will want her after that. This comment was made almost a year ago, but was brought up again in a recent conversation and it led to an argument between my husband and I and his friend.