Hii, I (15, turning 16f) had a major argument with my mom this morning, and it really hurt me.

We are asian immigrants, and my parents really stressed the “don’t get whitewashed” thing when we moved countries. My sister (25f) is a really bad case of classic Californian whitewashed asian girl, and she goes around wearing revealing fitness clothes (which freaks my mother (51f) out, but she’s kind of tired of lecturing her so she just leaves her alone now). I don’t plan to share my schooling situation right now since it’s too complicated, but I am planning to attend high school here.

I consider makeup to be something that makes you feel confident in your own shell, and I happen to be an especially insecure teenager. I have bad dark under-eyes, and I want to cover them, so I feel confident. and I can look at myself in the mirror and say, “wow, i look good today”. and of course I don’t wanna look tired and exhausted.

I approached my mother several times about this matter, kindly asking her if I can wear makeup. She says the same excuses the first few times, like “you’re gonna age faster”, “you’ll get wrinkles”, “you’re gonna ruin your natural beauty”, worst of all, “you’ll look like a prostitute”. Every single time I ask her about it, she always argues with me and makes a big deal out of it like I shattered a window of a public building. I do use skincare too, a simple routine, so I can prevent whatever she presents as an excuse for me not to wear it.

This morning, we were looking to find a suitable high school for me. I asked her again, despite her rejections. “Mom, can I wear makeup to school?” I suppose she didn’t like that, because she started screaming at me. Saying things like “You’re forcing yourself to grow up.” “You’re too young for that.” “Don’t end up like your sister.” “Only ugly people wear makeup to cover up their ugliness.” “Are you gonna get yourself a boyfriend? because it seems like you want to, the next thing I know, you’ll ask me for permission to get a tattoo.” “Don’t come to me if you get pregnant.” Then I broke down into tears because I just felt like she didn’t want to hear me at all. I won’t even do a full face of makeup. I’m uncomfortable around boys for fears of them bullying me. I told her that even my (long distance) friend wears makeup to school. And she said that my friend is ugly anyways so she needs it. She told me that I shouldn’t participate in the “culture” here and stay as I am, a conservative girl.

She then threatens to take away my phone because all I care about is taking care of my looks (referring to my skincare routine and my recent dieting thing). I know she won’t though since I actually need my phone.

I want to know what you guys think, since I have no one to relay this information to..