My bf was working night shifts, when he had finished sleeping during the day then he phoned me on his way to work another night shift and said he was having some stomach issues that kept him up, he said he was really tired and was feeling deflated. He also said his dad had been picking fights with him, and I was giving him advice and listening to him to help.

I asked him how his shift was the night before and he said it was relaxed and he spent some time on TikTok, I responded and said “but you still haven’t opened the videos I sent you” as soon as I said this I heard his tone flatten out and he said “oh really? I’ll get round to it” so I continued and asked him “why don’t you just open them?” He says that “they just don’t catch my eye like they used to” this triggered an insecurity in me as I worried he was referring to ME not catching his eye like I used to. I continued to ask what he meant by that, and he got dismissive and defensive saying “I’m sorry if that realllyyyy upsets you that I don’t open TikTok’s” I raged out and started swearing at him saying I didn’t deserve him being rude to me. He hung up the phone one me. Granted I am on my period, in pain and hormonal so I think I reacted in anger very quickly.

I angrily messaged him and continued swearing and also ridiculed him for his ailment, I was so angry that he would be rude and shut me down, coupled with the ongoing insecurity that maybe I “don’t catch his eye anymore”. He read my messages but didn’t respond. I was fuming and upset still, I deleted the messages and sent another one apologising for snapping and being rude. But I explained to him why I did and how the comment made me feel, he didn’t acknowledge my feelings at all but explained that he meant he just doesn’t view TikTok messages as a priority anymore and he just watches them when he gets round to it, he told me it was nothing to do with me as a person and literally just about TikTok messages.

However, I wanted him to acknowledge that he had upset me with his comment. So I sent messages being vulnerable and open, telling him that I understand how he meant the comment but it still hurt me. I asked for an apology and he took the entire night to write back and say “I’m sorry for being short with you, it was because I was tired” and that was it.