My family has been a mess ever since my grandfather passed away nine years ago. He was the one who held everything together. Since then, it’s just been downhill, mostly because of drama stirred up by my uncle—the middle child.

So for context, my grandparents have three sons. The oldest (60M) is married with two grown kids and grandkids of his own. The middle son (58M)—the one causing all the drama—has been divorced a couple of times, never had kids, and has lived at my grandma’s house since his 20s. And then there’s my dad (52M), the youngest, who’s married with two daughters and has his own place.

Ever since my grandpa passed, getting the whole family together has been basically impossible. A big part of that is my uncle, who constantly stirs up issues between the oldest brother’s family and ours. He’s lied, manipulated, and created division for years. Only recently have we all started piecing it together and realizing he was behind so much of the drama.

Last Christmas, I finally reached my breaking point. My cousin and I, who hadn’t spoken in a while because of the tension, reconnected and worked things out. We were both tired of the division, and it felt good to finally be on the same page after realizing how much of the mess came from him. We both agreed that our grandma, who was diagnosed with dementia two years ago and suffered two strokes last year, deserved better than all of this nonsense. She can barely move around now, needs a walker and constant assistance, and doesn’t remember a lot. I’m her daily caregiver, so I see it firsthand. And the only thing that really lights her up anymore is seeing her family—especially the little kids.

So my cousin suggested that we finally get everyone back together for Easter. A couple of weeks before, she messaged the family group chat (excluding grandma and the great-grandkids) saying we should get together the Saturday before Easter. She mentioned having it at the family farm—where we’ve always had our family gatherings growing up—and offered to bring a few dishes. She asked everyone else to pitch in and say what they could bring.

Everyone was responding positively. People were excited, saying the day worked for them, and it finally felt like we were getting our family back together.

Then my middle-child uncle had to ruin it.

He jumped in and said, “We should go out to eat instead of eating at the farm. The farm isn’t big enough for everyone, and grandma likes to get out since she doesn’t get to.” That was a lie—he constantly takes her out, mostly because he refuses to cook and just wants to go grab fast food. I’m with her every day until 4 p.m., and dinner is his responsibility, so I know how often she’s dragged out. He added that her health is “diminishing quickly,” so we should just wait for Mother’s Day or her birthday in June to get together at the farm. But like—if someone’s health is declining, shouldn’t you want to spend time with them sooner rather than later?

My cousin pushed back and said not everyone can afford to eat out, and grandma has a hard time going places anyway. And she pointed out that space has never been an issue before, even when we had more family coming. I chimed in and said grandma values tradition—she loves the farm, she loves home-cooked meals, and she enjoys seeing the great-grandkids hunt for Easter eggs. When you eat out, there’s no real interaction. No connection. It’s just another meal to her, and she already gets enough of that. Being surrounded by her family in a familiar space is what makes her feel safe and happy.

Then my uncle goes, “I tried to be nice saying what I said before, but no—we are not having it at the farm. I made a suggestion and now I’m making the decision. We’re not having it there. Done deal.”

So I said, “Oh, so this family’s a dictatorship now? Just because you’re miserable doesn’t mean you need to make everyone else miserable.” And the chat went dead silent. Of course, he had to get the last word in, because he always does—he’s self-centered and always has to be in control. He replied, “I’m not a dictator. I just told you the final decision since I live at the farm and I’m with your grandma all the time. Done deal—eat out or do nothing. Your choice.”

Which is total BS, because again, I’m with her every single day. It’s not like he’s the only one helping her. He chose to live at his parents’ house for his entire life—that wasn’t anyone else’s decision but his.

At that point, I didn’t even want to waste another breath on him. It just fuels his hypocrisy. I said what I said because I felt like someone needed to.

After a hour of so, he messaged me outside of the group chat saying he wouldn’t be afraid to call the cops for trespassing if we went against his wishes and showed up anyway on that Saturday. But Keep in mind—this is my grandma’s house. It’s in her name. Somehow, he managed to weasel his way into being her power of attorney before she was fully diagnosed with dementia, and now he acts like he owns the place.

So now… nothing will happen for Easter. We wont get together, and my grandma and family is devastated. So… AITAH for calling my uncle out?