Edit: I feel like after reading a couple comments it’s worth noting that my partner is great. We get along and work well together. He is absolutely amazing with my first kiddo and when he comes home from work- work is left at work and he is fully present and helpful at home. I feel my initial post may have painted him as an absent parent/partner which is not the case at all. It just seems that appts are proving not to be his strong suit in managing them vs work- in our couple of years together we just haven’t really had to deal with many appointments that overlapped with his schedule I guess 🥲 I know that this likely largely stems from the work ethic his dad instilled in him and the way he was raised and also just general forgetfulness. Which is no excuse but he does have some insecurity around not providing for his family and also around being looked down on at work. He aims to give 150% of himself in every area and unfortunately I think that it’s just coming to a head where it’s no longer attainable and manageable at a very unfortunate time with something so important. I still question if I was too rash and an AH - as he’s currently sleeping on the couch which is also a first for us but I’m pissed and he fell asleep and I’m not waking him up to come to bed…. We will talk tomorrow when he’s not tired and I’m not so irritated but I am curious if I really did over react and become the AH Ok- let me start with that my partner 29m and myself 28f are expecting our first child together but my second. Sorry this is long. When we started trying I remember explicitly saying that I didn’t expect my partner to come to every appt. Especially at the end because if you’ve been pregnant, you know they’re all pretty lame except for the ones where you get to hear the heartbeat or get an ultrasound but that the anatomy scan was a big one and I wanted him there for. Since I have been lucky to have a healthy pregnancy this time, I have only had the dating ultrasound and my midwife told us that likely the 20 week will be the second and last one we get. My partner made us 30 minutes late to one basic appt. Because he claimed he couldn’t get off work in time And they cancelled it when we arrived. Now- had I got some sort of notice he was going to be late I likely would’ve been frustrated but I could’ve at least made the appt. I did my best to let it slide. Now, 6 weeks ago we got the call to schedule the 20 week anatomy scan. We were together when they called and we both confirmed the time. I’ve reminded him multiple times and tonight, I mentioned the appt Tuesday and not to forget. Again- this is the only appt I really wanted him to be sure he was there for. Well guess who didn’t take the time off of work or even mention it to his boss? Yep. So I immediately got on my phone and cancelled the appt. He thinks I’m over reacting but tbh I’m just annoyed because while I understand work is important, he’s the type who is the lead at his small work place - less than 10 people on staff, he’s got seniority over everyone he works alongside and has plenty of pto time he can use (and has never even used his pto in all the years he’s worked there!) so I’m confident that had he told his boss he needed to leave a while 20 minutes early this day that it wouldn’t have been a problem but now, because he didn’t say anything they have scheduled him to work out of town that entire week. We live in a rural area and appts are slim pickings. Hence why this was scheduled so early. So now I’m just annoyed because I feel like this could’ve been avoided, I shouldnt have had to remind him so many times in the first place and now I feel like it’s just the writing on the wall for when the baby is here and he says he’s going to take time off…. It’ll be a day or two and he will be back at work because he either didn’t ask for it ahead of time or he just can’t say no to his job. I also feel it’s worth noting that because it’s a small company and he’s been there nearly 10 years that he and his boss know each other very well both professionally and personally and have a fine relationship, it’s not like he’s a slave driver who he really has to fight to get anything from the guy. So …. AITAH for being frustrated and upset and making a quick decision to cancel the appt in hopes of rescheduling when he’s “available” and also taking it upon myself to start setting up for the baby with out him??? (I had asked earlier in the week if that’s what we did this weekend and he agreed but has done nothing to help and even stopped me when I tried Friday night to get started) I’m also trying to gauge if I’m letting my past experience with my firsts dad get to me here- he came to every appt. And worried about our baby so much (too much tbh lol) but then when baby came healthy he was pretty much gone and doing his thing- working, golfing, fishing etc. (we ended up divorcing shortly after my first was born) while I did everything by myself. So I feel that the appt thing could definitely have been avoided with a very small amount of communication and now I’m worried I’m doing this alone again but just for different reasons.