For the past 6 months, I've been in therapy two times per week. One thing I've discovered is that I should be proud to be myself. With high self esteem, I have encountered a surprising consequence: essentially everyone on Earth rejects my point of view; and many want to destroy my life over it.

As a standup comedian, I've been canceled from the entire PNW & Bay Area because my jokes upset a vocal part of the community. Yes, I make a lot of people laugh, but I see now that my ideas are too true for people. Instead of simply rejecting my ideas, people are rejecting me. My family, & friends have told me that they prefer I go back into my "closet".

Hah. Imagine that. By spending $300 per week on therapy, I learned that being myself results in violence. Hatred, threats, & ostracism are my reality now. So, would I be an asshole if I chose to deport myself from life? None of you want me here anyway; and I don't feel like living amongst bigots for the rest of time.

I don't want to do this. I love myself. I think my ideas are healthy and refreshing, especially in a society plagued by fear & resentment. I've helped some people by countering their stupid thinking, but I don't enjoy the process. Comedy isn't fun when you're being booed at and physically threatened. Knowing the vast majority of the world thinks I'm insane isn't fun.

The joy is gone. These days, I reject advances from women because I don't trust them. What if I develop feelings and they develop hatred toward me? Completely alone and filled with traumatic memories of people telling me to off myself for being walking cancer, I feel like I should go away.

So; would I be an asshole for giving people the pleasure of never having to deal with me? Keep in mind, I see this like alcohol. At first, people hate the taste; after time, they acquire a taste. I know smart people would come around and agree with my ideas or at least respect them; but I don't feel like going through that process.