This is not romantic — this is a trio friend group I was in that has split after 10 years.

Names have been anonymized.

BACKSTORY: Jane (35F) and Jim (36M) went to high school together. Jim went to college and got a degree “the right way” in 4 years and had VA benefits from their parent to graduate debt-free. Jane has had a lot of life come at her fast and is still chipping away at a degree she’s passionate about. Years later out of sheer coincidence they ended up at the same Starbucks where I (30M) also ended up while working on my own degree.

The three of us are pretty cynical and sarcastic which led to a fast friendship via trauma bond at Starbucks. I only stayed for a bit over a year before finding office work, Jim left another 2ish years after me, while Jane stayed another 9. Through all this time, we stayed a group that would party and dine together regularly. Girlfriends and boyfriends came and went and in a moment of weakness after a drunken party, Jane and Jim hooked up.

CONFLICT: Jim is a certified asshole. He’s contrarian to everything, must have the last word, must be right, and will absolutely always bring up old shit for a low blow. Despite this, he found a wife who is largely similar and they bought a house. Jane fell on hard times and moved in with them for less than a year. After the roommate era, Jim was especially hard on Jane. Constantly lording over that he got school done years ago, teasing that she’s still at Starbucks, bringing up the hookup, shaming for her family dynamics and more. Finally, Jane went no-contact with Jim about a year ago (real time) after getting a job elsewhere and renting an apartment at a new address.

I am still fast friends with Jane and have defended her in arguments with Jim for all this time. A few times that just me and Jim hung out, I would make the case for Jane.

WTAH? Well now it’s come down to Jim texting “are you dead?” “Are you ignoring me?” and whatnot. I dread his texts. I want to dump him and I think he deserves an answer, but he’s in denial about why Jane hates him. Going no-contact myself is mostly not an option since I’ve put up with him solo for more than a year.

A-am I the asshole? Help!