Am I (19M) the asshole for controlling my boyfriend (20M).

Tonight my boyfriend went behind my back and hung out with someone I cut out of my life.

Context: Before I met my boyfriend, I had a best friend, let’s call him D. I met D when I was 15 and ever since we met we were partners in crime. We were fucking Highschool hoodrats just having fun, stealing shit, being naughty, smoking pot, you name it.

He eventually dropped out of Highschool and we would often do more than just smoke weed, sometimes take random pills, some psychedelics, all that jazz.

D and I had a decent friendship (spare for him lying and stealing from me sometimes, I would just get over it and move on) up until he started doing fentanyl. He was 16 and I was 17. He would buy street percocets and nod off on them while we would hang out. His stealing went up and I caught him stealing my money. He was being dangerous. During this time I cut him out of my life. I blocked him and didn’t want to deal with it. I never tried the fentanyl, I hated everything about it.

He ended up overdosing on fentanyl, almost died, and recovered. He’s been sober from fentanyl ever since.

After D sobered up off te fentanyl, i decided to invite him back into my life because I wanted to support his sobriety.

This is around the time I met my boyfriend.

March of 2024 I met my boyfriend and we started dating. February of 2024 is when I let D back into my life.

As my relationship with my boyfriend started to take off, I would often hang out with D and my boyfriend, they became good friends. We were a solid group.

Sometimes my boyfriend and I would take D and his girlfriend to new places to see in the area, since my boyfriend and I are licensed and have cars but D doesn’t have either. We would drive them around, never ask for gas money, sometimes we would take them out to eat and pay for them, we would buy them drinks at the gas station, we would honestly treat them because we cared about them and they were unemployed and rarely got out of the house.

Well throughout all of this, I would still notice when my things would go missing. D continued to lie to me and steal from me. I caught him stealing a $5 off my boyfriend on multiple occasions and I would catch him when he was in the backseat of our car picking up things he liked and taking them.

One time he took my boyfriends rosary (holy cross necklace) and broke the necklace to use the cross on a different piece of jewelry, and blamed it on his little brother (definitely wasn’t the brother though)

In October 2024, I was turning 19 and wanted D to have a birthday party with me. We planned a weekend a month in advance and the plans were set in stone. The day before my birthday, D cancelled on me because his girlfriend forgot about the plans and invited her friends over to their house to do shrooms, so they did that instead of coming with my boyfriend and I to Busch Gardens. Like we had planned a month before.

All of the little things felt all too much for me and I was done. I wanted to move on and finally get some good friends. I was sick of feeling walked on and used and not cared about by the people I loved and cared for.

I decided to cut D out of my life and my boyfriend supported my decision. We both blocked D and agreed to not entertain him.

Well one day a few months after we had cut him out of our lives, I saw a message on my boyfriends phone from D, I asked about it and my boyfriend explained to me that D had messaged him and my boyfriend wanted to give him another chance.

I said no, I didn’t like that. I want D out of my life and that includes my boyfriend. D is a liar and steals from us and puts us around a drug scene I don’t want to be around.

I explain to my boyfriend I’m uncomfortable with them talking and would like it if my boyfriend respects my wishes of having D out of our lives. He agrees and blocks D again.

I’ve caught this 3 or 4 times, we have the same conversation every time.

Tonight I was at work. I wasn’t feeling well and was feeling lightheaded so I took a 30 minute break and decided to call my boyfriend and tell him how I was and ask about his day.

He told me he was by D’s girlfriend’s house. I asked about it, he said he was taking a walk. I asked “are you with them?” He said “yea…” and I hung up immediately.

My body was shaking. I felt like crying. I just felt betrayed. After months and months of being away from D and fighting for him to stay away from my boyfriend, now while I’m gone at work I find out they’re hanging out with each other.

I don’t know what to do.

I eventually text my boyfriend and explain to him that he betrayed my trust and I was very hurt.

My boyfriend told me that he felt controlled by me.

I’ve tried so hard to explain to my boyfriend why I want D out of my life. All the drugs and the lies and the theft.

Meeting my boyfriend helped me realize how shitty of a friend D was to me and that’s why I ended things with D. Now my boyfriend is going back to him and disregarding my feelings and my wishes.

Am I the asshole? What should I do? Do I protect my peace and keep fighting to keep D out of my boyfriend’s life and mine? Or do I give up and let D back into my life again because I’m controlling if I don’t? Help.