Some very important context: I (20) had a falling out with my college friend group the semester before because of decisions that I was clearly in the wrong for. Specifically I wronged one of the people in the friend group and the rest of the group chose to support him through it all (which is a good thing, I fucked up as a friend and betrayed his trust.)

All of this is important because my suitemates are all in some way or the other either in the friend group or good friends with the friend I wronged. At first, over the new semester, boundaries were set by suitemates but there was still a sense of impartiality/willingness to move on from everything. I struggled a lot through the semester trying to find new footing and hopefully grow from my mistakes because I never meant to hurt anyone and only strive to be a decent person.

My roommate expressed to me weeks before what I will call, "The Bed Blunders," that he still wanted to be my friend and that he wanted to support me through change, even giving me the advice of "trying to do more for others" rather than for myself. I had no idea what he meant by it but I extrapolated that he wanted me to reach out to people who I was at odds with to try to put my best foot forward. I did and it didn't really work out, so I kind of just took a break from trying to reconnect with people or make amends.

For a span of two weeks there was a sense of indifference or neglect that I kind of experienced from my roommate and suitemates. It drove me to a deep depression that made me despise living in the dorm I lived in. I knew that I was in the wrong for past mistakes but I felt as though I was being abandoned by people I thought I could call friends. I also tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and thought the neglect I felt was just in my head and that I just needed to get out.

I decided to give myself a break by visiting friends at a neighboring school, so I packed my bag and told my roommates I would be gone for presidents day weekend, not really aware of how long I would actually be gone for. I left and I proceeded to have a fairly mundane time. I was talking with people I wasn't really close to but it still helped me get necessary distance from everything. I forgot to bring contact lenses so I had to keep them in during my sleep and realized I had to go back home so that I wouldn't feel so uncomfortable. I left at like 5pm and got to my dorm at around 7pm the day after I left.

When I arrived at my dorm I walked down to the door of my room and proceeded to see the light of my projector on. I wasn't that worried because I let my roommate use my projector one time to watch a tv show with my other suitemate. The door to my room opens and that suitemate comes out. They tell me that they are watching a movie and it doesn't bother me. I open the door to my room and the first person I see is the friend I wronged. I didn't feel angry, if anything I felt bad that I had to jump scare him with my appearance--then I opened the door the rest of the way and saw another suitemate and two other ex-friends on my bed.

I had no idea how to react so I just went and grabbed myself my contact lenses and left. One ex-friend said "what's up" or something like that and I had no idea how he was saying it because I think they understood how weird it was that they were all on my bed like that watching a movie without me knowing. (Also the movie was a sequel to another movie we watched the semester before as a friend group so it was like an extra dagger to the chest.)

I called my best friend and kind of crashed out in a lobby by myself, telling myself I would just have to run the pain I felt away. To do that, I needed to change and also eat some food because I basically hadn't eaten all day. I returned to my room and began preparing myself some mac & cheese.

When I looked at my room I saw that my friend group was still in there even though they hadn't been watching the movie anymore. I just looked the other way and kept making my mac. Finally I heard everyone's footsteps as they decided to leave and decided to go back to my room. My roommate was on his laptop doing work and decidedly had nothing to say to me. Then one of the people who were on my bed started knocking on our door because he was missing his airpods. I lifted my sheets and found his airpods case. I calmly gave them to him and let him go.

Still, my roommate remained silent. Okay, I think. I've handled this as calmly as possible and still he will not say anything to me even though I have been disrespected greatly. That got to me in some sense, and I admit I ended up getting a bit petty. While eating my mac and cheese I decided to blast music on my speakers (Death On Two Legs by Queen). I'm rolling on the floor. I'm singing the damn words. All of a sudden my roommate comes out of the room and asks me to turn the music down. 'Oh really that's all you have to say?' I think to myself.

All of a sudden, in an eruption worth of two weeks of being treated indifferently and then being disrespected so blatantly, I start to yell.

"YOU DIDN'T ASK!"

"THEY WERE ON MY BED YOU DIDN'T ASK!"

There was a hint of genuine pain in my voice but he simply did not want to deal with it and he closed the door on me and returned to his room.

I finished my mac and cheese and I turned down the music.

I returned to the room and he was back to working, not speaking to me. Okay, fine.

I grabbed my running clothes and went on an excruciating run.

I returned to my dorm and saw my roommate speaking to one of my suitemates, ignoring the fact that I returned. Okay, fine.

I tried calming down and then proceeded to take a shower. When I was done I went out and basically confronted my roommate and suitemate. It was clear in that moment that I was clearly wronged by them but I wanted to first apologize for yelling at my roommate, mainly because I knew that he wouldn't react the way I wanted him to when I yelled. Then I wanted to make sure they understood how miserable they were making me feel. My roommate apologized but ended up passing the blame to my other suitemate (who wasn't there while the confrontation was happening).

I tried to confront that suitemate but they returned from a party very drunk and closed the door on me.

At this point I was furious because the people who I lived with and once called my friends could not show me any ounce of respect. I kind of fluctuated between mania and panic because I had no idea what I was supposed to do if the people who lived with me did not treat me with decency and respect.

I wake up the next day and proceed to act immaturely and passive aggressively with the suitemate who I couldn't confront. They were very confused by my anger and I ended up just laying out how I felt. I also told them that they were thrown under the bus by my roommate. They proceeded to be very validating and apologized for what happened, stating there wasn't any malice. Then they told me that the original plan was to watch the movie in another room when my roommate volunteered our room to watch it. Then, they said they believed all of this was happening because my roommate was holding back some complaints about me as a roommate.

This pissed me the fuck off because how difficult is it to tell somebody to change their habits? I know I'm far from perfect as a roommate. I'm very messy and I on occasion struggled to do my dishes. Tell me that. Tell me what I can do to better myself as a roommate, I have thick skin.

Anyways-- As I'm being told this I get a call from my therapist and proceed to do my online therapy for the day. Boy, did I have a lot to talk about! When I get out of the session I check my phone and it's from the suitemate I was just talking to telling me that the three of us (my roommate, them, and I) should have a conversation about everything.

The conversation for the most part went well in term of what was said but a few things were clear:

One, my roommate clearly felt like me getting mad had less to do with The Bed Blunders and more to do with the last two weeks that happened/the context that came before it. I negated that but admitted that all of it kind of compounded into a shit stew that made me furious. I don't care that my old friend group was in my room nor that they used my equipment. I was mad that they though they could get away with it if they didn't tell me. Hell if they wanted to do that again all they'd have to do is tell me and I would fuck off. I don't care that much, communication is important and I don't hold the room to that high of a regard. You have to talk to me for it though.

Two, my roommates gripes that he had with me were literally the most nothingburger of things, and were not spoken to me because of laziness, lack of trying, or just pathetic behavior. Like, me watching instagram reels without headphones in is such a non-issue you just tell me it's a problem and I will wear headphones. I think part of him believed that I was doing all of these things in spite of him but I literally had no idea he had issues with me because he would not fucking talk to me. Most of these issues that he had I believe came from his inability to confront anything.

Three, me crashing out on him for The Bed Blunders was more detrimental to him than The Bed Blunders were to me. While I still am pissed about The Bed Blunders, as I'm writing about it months after, it was something I was easily willing to let go of if they accepted responsibility for it and apologized. Meanwhile, even almost two months after it happened, my roommate will no longer speak to me. He told me that his family would yell at him and so he didn't like that I yelled at him and like...

My response was that that was horse shit and that my family used to yell at me to and that was probably even the reason I yelled at him in the first place. I'm not going to defend my yelling because I know yelling at people that you want to respect you is wrong but like when someone actively disrespects you and shows you that they will not respect you as a roommate then yeah maybe I will yell at you. It was stupid because I already apologized for it the night before, but he was holding onto it like something he was victimized by. He even told me that he didn't care that I yelled at him and that he just hoped I wouldn't yell at anyone else and that I should control my anger but like damn dude, I think I know that already--

Idk am I the asshole? If I am then I'll take it on the chin, I just don't like that my living situation has been ruined because my roommate doesn't want to talk to me about how we can make things easier for each other and instead would rather just avoid me altogether anywhere I am, even when there are key moments that we should be communicating with one another. Anyways, I will let you guy decide.