Ok bit of a long one. Have a friend K who I’ve known for 5/6 years. We met through work and became quite close. Over the years I’ve seen some behavior from K that I haven’t loved but kind of just looked past. K went and did secondments at companies our company works with and you’d find that she would be doing things in files that she shouldn’t be doing, breaking privacy rules etc.

K has had an interesting life and a lot of health problems so there is always a lot of drama. Drama with her partners, her friends all of that, me I don’t really love a dramatic life but again I loved her so just got used to it.

12 months ago I joined a new company team in which K was working with. Instantly learnt the whole team were frustrated with K because she did her own thing, would blur lines of what her role was, by doing this is out pressure back on the team to answer calls/ talk to grumpy clients. Ks files were also a mess, data missing, no documentation for decisions, decisions wrong in law.

8 months ago I started working on a portfolio with K. I’ve been doing this role for 12 years with a few companies not saying I’m the greatest but I’m good at my job and I know professional boundaries and how important they are. K and I obviously had different views, so we learnt to agree to disagree.

Real problem started 6 months ago - K went to work for the client in which I manage their portfolio. Again I have worked with friends, had friends as my boss, worked with family members so I’m big on professional boundaries. K not so great with boundaries. I also respect that K now has new KPIs and new leaders to report too.

Whenever K needs to raise issues or has questions it’s never to me the managing person it’s to my 2 up boss, and she cc’s in the world. K uses words like disappointment for the business and clients, frustrating that people don’t adhear to timeframes. She’d point out ‘mistakes’ made on files that she did 12/18 months earlier.

My mental health has taken a hit, I can’t trust what she does/ says. I can’t understand why she doesn’t come to me initially to ask where something is at, she seems to have it out for my 2 up boss and in the process is taking me down with them.

3 nights ago I told K that I can’t be friends only work colleagues from now on. My mental health couldn’t handle her behaviour, the way she’d address people or talk to them, why she could t ask me direct questions about files.

K then blamed it back on my odd spinning lies, told me if she wanted to throw me under the bus she would. Yesterday she messaged my boss saying she is disgusted that my boss has a blatant disregard for my mental health and to put me in a position that affects my mental health so bad….

My boss is considering taking me off the portfolio for safety reasons / my mental health and reputation risk. I enjoy the portfolio it’s Challenging and I’ve worked my butt off on it. My boss has gently suggested I say I want off again for my mental health.

K insinuated she has told her boss at the clients about what has gone on. I’m so embarrassed and hurt and confused. Why should I be punished for trying to set a boundary? Will it look bad for me if I’m taking off the portfolio?

Was I the A$$hole for setting the boundary and not wanting to be friends anymore?