I apologize for the wall of text but I feel the context is necessary. A TL;DR wouldn't really suffice here. If it feels like some details are missing it's because I don't want to run the risk of her realizing it's about her, though she doesn't use reddit to my knowledge.

About 15 years ago, I met a girl while taking a class outside of my regular high school classes and we immediately became close. She lived a couple hours away from me but even after the class was over we still talked often and visited each other as much as we could. I liked her and could tell she liked me back but between bad timing and the distance between us a relationship didn't really make sense to me. At one point we did hook up, but I've always been a bit down on myself, and was convinced I wasn't good enough for her and selfishly decided I would rather keep her in my life as a friend than risk losing her if a romantic relationship turned sour. Eventually we both went off to college and we didn't talk too much during those years.

I would reach out to her and not really hear back. Every so often she would talk to me when she was having a crisis and wanted to have someone to lean on. I felt good that I was that person, but at the same time felt like an emotional crutch. It kind of hurt that she wasn't talking to me unless she had a problem to deal with.

Fast forward a bit after we had both graduated college, I went home and she had moved to my hometown and started a relationship. She ended up marrying him after a couple years. I was moving across the country the same weekend as their wedding and couldn't attend, which deep down I was thankful for. Seeing her tie the knot in person with someone else would've hurt as the feelings hadn't gone away. They still haven't.

At that point, despite talking and seeing each other less and less we were still close. After a couple years I ended up moving back home, where she still was.

Eventually her marriage took a bad turn. Her husband began to have angry outbursts and she feared for her safety. As always, she turned to me and I was there for her. Even helping her move all her stuff to a new place on short notice

Not long after that, one of my parents passed away. It devastated me and I became withdrawn. We didn't talk for a long time. She admitted to me she was dealing with her own problems, mostly her divorce, but didn't think I would be of any help had she reached out to me after such a loss.

It gave me that same feeling of being an emotional crutch. Not once did she reach out just to check on me, only considering it when she felt like I could be a shoulder to cry on. At the same time, I blamed myself for being so unavailable when she was going through a divorce.

A year ago I received a job opportunity and moved a few hours away from the city we were in, and about 6 months ago we reconnected. We were talking to each other every day like we did when we first met, expressing that we still had feelings for each other and regretting not taking a chance with each other when we were younger. We had deep conversations about a potential future with each other and I was feeling real happiness for the first time since I lost my parent. I was planning to find work back home soon and she expressed a desire to start a relationship when that happened, and I was fully onboard.

Just before the new year, I had time off work and drove home for a different friends birthday party. I ended up spending an extra day there so I could spend time with her as well.

I was pretty sure about it before, but I knew that day we could have a future together. We talked and laughed and reminisced for the whole day before I had to take the long drive back so I could be at work the day after.

We kept talking as usual for a few days, when out of the blue she said she was feeling depressed and needed time away from not just me, but everyone in her life so she could reset and figure some things out. Of course I respected her space.

I reached out periodically just to check in and make sure she was alright, I would get short answers back letting me know she was still figuring things out, and I wouldn't push her to talk any further.

I figured she was just having a rough time, but a few months ago she started posting on social media again. Always out with friends, seemingly having a good time and living her life as she was before. I know people put up a front for social media, but while shes been doing this, I haven't heard any responses from her when I attempt to reach out.

Eventually I reached a breaking point. I felt that I couldn't look past this pattern of behavior and that I've been manipulated. A few days ago I blocked her phone number and social medias for the sake of my own mental well being.

I'm wondering if I'm the asshole for not at least reaching out one more time to give her a chance to explain what's happening. That just cutting her off completely with no explanation is too hasty on my part. It feels like I'm unfairly tossing away someone I've loved and has loved me for half our lives. I'm sure she'll eventually realize what happened and try to contact me, and knowing me I'll probably break down and respond. Any input is appreciated.