I (18M) had two close friends, Fred and Alan, and we were inseparable throughout school. Alan and I had been friends since primary, and Fred joined us in secondary. We bonded over games, football, and just hanging out.

Over time, Alan’s behavior started to change. He became clingy with Fred, constantly trying to get his attention and pushing me aside, literally. It made me feel excluded, even though Fred tried to keep the group balanced.

Things really went downhill during a school sports match when I was sitting between Fred and Alan when some younger students squeezed into our row, leaving barely any space. I ended up half off my seat while Alan still had plenty of room. As we tried to shuffle around, Alan suddenly got frustrated, probably because of the lack of space, and grabbed me by the neck. I was completely stunned, especially since it happened in front of everyone. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I pushed his arm off and sat down, trying to process it. Fred supported me, and we both waited for Alan to apologise, but he never did. In fact, he seemed to find it funny.

We started distancing ourselves, and the more we reflected on things, the more red flags we saw: Alan constantly mocked others, said some pretty offensive things (including to a pregnant teacher), and had a weird fixation on WWII. It just felt toxic.

Recently at a party, Alan clearly drunk, tried to talk to us. We avoided him, and later heard he’d said something seriously disturbing about what he’d do to himself if we didn’t. I couldn’t believe it.

Now I keep wondering if I should have confronted him or tried to talk it out, but honestly, I’m just tired. I don’t want to pretend things can be fixed when they’ve been broken for so long.

AITAH for just ignoring him and moving on?