I decided officially to cut off my abusive grandparents.

Backstory my grandfather is an awful human being. At 22 years old he ran away with my 14 year old grandmother and basically trained her to do everything for him and be the perfect quiet housewife and breadwinner while he did not contribute anything. As my dad was growing up his dad beat the living hell out of him, I’m talking broken bones, concussions, black eyes, pulling his shoulder out of socket etc. He treated his other son like this, his wife, and did unimaginable things to his daughter as well that I would like to not get into detail about but I’m sure we all know what I’m talking about. He also has multiple other children from his mistresses when his wife was at work and his other children were under the age of 6 being left home alone.

As a child I grew up watching the toxicity between my dad and them. Constantly arguing, yelling, physically fighting in front of me. My dad got into Therapy and we stopped talking to them and seeing them for a few years. Anytime the abuse they did gets brought up my Dad has been called crazy and told it never happened. They moved away after that and life was calm for a long time since they were not involved. The only time we’d talk to them was for Christmas when they would send gifts. At 13 I went to visit them alone with my aunts and cousins. That trip my grandfather got so mad at me he threatened to beat me. The next day I told my Mom and was flown home. My dad told me a bunch of things I have sort of heard over the years and finally fully understood what happened so I cut them off then and didn’t speak to them again until I was 18. The only reason I went back into contact is because my Dad always told me his experience with them is not mine and that it’s ok if I’m around them and that I made them feel very sad and that they loved and missed me. I felt very guilt tripped into speaking to them. We remained at arms length for many years.

My Grandmother and I started getting close in my 20s. Being in therapy made me feel guilty for her since she is also a victim in all of this so I tried to have a relationship with her and we would talk at least once a month. The calls got shorter and shorter and eventually my grandma stopped calling me and calling me back and would only answer at random times. Her and I got into an argument when I was pregnant because she cried to my Dad about how I wasn’t involving her with my pregnancy when she NEVER ONCE reached out to me. Years ago they moved to where we live now. I have young children and they were telling me how they are so excited to see them grow up now that they are close by again. They have been here for 6 years now and have seen them 8 times. 8 times and live 10 minutes away because they refuse to come to my house because they cannot smoke here. I will not go there because I refuse to bring my children around cigarette smoke and plus the people they live with and have around I’m not interested in my children being around. They also have the excuse they see my children on facebook so why do they need to see them in person? I stopped posting them online for the rest of my family because of them which I am now realizing is ridiculous and I wish I would have drew the line earlier … BUT ANYWAYS

I had a long conversation 2 years ago with my grandmother about how I would like to have a relationship with her but not my grandfather and she said she also wanted a relationship with me. She told me she would start calling me again and that she really wanted us to reconnect. It went well at first and her and I would call back and forth. Soon it became only me calling every week so I started to pull back yet again. Then it became only once a month with only me calling. So I stopped again because I am TIRED of being the only person trying to build a relationship. That year we were not invited to any holidays and we were not called. In January word had spread that I was upset about not being invited or at least called and another argument between my grandmother and I started and I called her out on all the bullshit that had been happening. She had excuses to not inviting me saying she knew we were busy even though I was never once called to see what we were doing. Anyways after an 1 hour + conversation we got back to square one and she promised she was going to try again and call at least once a month. Last year she called twice!!! We yet again last year get into the same argument during Christmas about the same behaviors. She promises me the same thing AGAIN.

We have not talked since February so I decided I have officially had enough. Why should I have to beg my grandparents for a relationship I’m never going to have? A relationship they never nourished, watered, or grew. The only reason I keep the relationship is because of my father and it’s just not enough anymore. I am so emotionally turned off from them I have nothing in me to give. My Dad and I got into it because he thinks I should sympathize with his mom. Which I use to but at some point I realized she is also a part of the problem. Past and present.

Sorry for the rambling. I am now feeling guilty after talking to my dad. AITAH for cutting off my grandparents? .