I (26F) have always had a complicated, on and off relationship with my mom (48). I didn’t fully cut contact with her until I was 23 and found out I have a rare connective tissue disorder that causes aneurysms among other complications, making having a baby really risky for me. When I had told her when I first found out she really pushed for me to do it anyway and that “I’d probably be fine” since she had 5 children no problem. A few weeks after this we flew out of state together to be with my sister when she graduated and my mom was so unbelievably horrible to me the entire trip. She constantly made jokes about me dying of my condition, still tried to push me to be pregnant anyway saying things like “Well at least if you die your husband will still have a part of you with your baby.” And “You don’t have to worry if you die, your husband is a nice man and he will find someone else and be happy.” She made other comments about how she would heal if I were to pass away because she’s accepted death. I flew home 3 days early after I had to go to the hospital and she screamed at me for crying. (There was so much more, but I’ll only add the major parts as they’re just for context.) I cut her off completely.

Fast forward to now, my husband and I have just gone through our first cycle of IVF and are still deciding if it is safe for me to be pregnant. I am basing a lot of this on my upcoming MRI results, my cardiologist and High Risk OBGYN’s opinions, and my mom’s genetic testing results. If she has the same condition as me and had 5 healthy, uncomplicated pregnancies then that makes me feel much better about being pregnant. I am in contact with my mom again, but only because I need her to do genetic testing to know if I get my condition from her or my dad.

AITAH for wanting to cut her off again once I get her test results? She has been begging for another grandchild since my sister had her baby and I’m her only child that lives in the same state so I know she fully anticipates to be in my child’s life. But honestly, I don’t want her in mine. On top of all of the other things I’ve mentioned, she has made racist comments toward my husband in the past, she is not shy about saying she doesn’t like certain races of people, and is transphobic to one of our family members who I am very very close to. I don’t really want someone like that in my child’s life. I can’t help but feel bad though because she is my mom and I know she is really excited for this baby. On top of that, if I cut her off and don’t let her see the baby I’m afraid she is going to show up to my house to see our baby and I really don’t want to have to deal with that postpartum.