My father in law has always been rude and hateful. But this past year I finally had enough after he called our child fat in front of several people at a sporting event eluding to why they did poorly. (Our child is not fat just very tall) almost 6ft and wide shoulders. Yes they are larger than the average child their age but they are not fat. They will be well over 6ft as an adult. We found out after the fact it was a mechanical issue from letting another child use our child’s stuff for this event. I’m used to him being rude to me, 20 years of it.,but when our child was being bullied by him I had to say something. When I did he became loud and violent threatening to hit me. I had only gotten out 4 words before he became enraged those words ( We need to talk). My husband had my back and we left the sporting event. I’d told my husband he could keep a relationship but that I was done and that the kids could choose to keep the relationship going or not. That I was ok with what they choose as I know they love their grandfather. But I was standing my ground as far as I was concerned. That meant not going over his house or any unnecessary contact. That he hated me so much I’d stay away. This is the same man who told me when our daughter was born and I had complications and hadn’t been out of icu for 24 hours in my hospital room he didn’t care if I had lived or died. I should have cut him off then. But he had always been good to our children. Until that day. Our child forgave him and when the holidays came around I bought gifts and sent well wishes but did not go to thanksgiving or Christmas. Apparently that was so awful he is now taken it out on our children. He didn’t show up already to two birthdays and we have another one coming up. I know he won’t show for that. I haven’t spoken a word to him since that day on the field. I never said he wasn’t welcome to birthdays I just told my husband I wasn’t going out of my way for him to bully me. He was given an invite and didn’t even call or send a text to our two of our children for their birthdays. Not even a card in the mail. Our children have been affected by this and I can tell even when they put on a brave face that his silence on their birthdays made them sad. Am I the asshole and should I just go back to the way it was?