I'm a 30-year-old woman, and I've been friends with my friend A for about 7–8 years. We've always had a long-distance friendship and never really made an effort to meet in person. Our bond has always been purely platonic—more about offering each other different gender perspectives and emotional support. We've both had rough patches in our relationships and have always been there for each other to help pull the other out of tough situations. There was never any romantic angle between us; dating him never even crossed my mind.

Over the years, he went through multiple failed relationships, and I was always the one he'd lean on. His most recent relationship was rocky from the start. They were constantly breaking up and getting back together, and he'd often come to me upset about things his girlfriend did. As a concerned friend, I advised him that if the relationship was too toxic, he needed to either communicate clearly or consider moving on.

Throughout our friendship, we exchanged a few messages expressing how grateful we were to have each other in our lives and how much we valued our friendship. He also had issues with his girlfriend staying in touch with her ex, which led to multiple fights and deepening trust issues. For some reason, my name got dragged into one of their fights. He told me his girlfriend had asked him to choose between her and me. When he refused, saying that was unreasonable, they nearly broke up. I was taken aback but told him to do what he felt was right.

Recently, I entered into a new relationship. I informed A, shared pictures, my boyfriend’s name, and details—just as friends do. Around this time, our conversations had become minimal. Then I found out that his girlfriend had gone through our old chats—messages from 2–3 years ago where we expressed appreciation for our friendship, and recent ones where I told him, as a friend, that he might need to leave his relationship if it’s hurting him. Not only did she read our chats, but she also stalked my Instagram, found out who my boyfriend is, and threatened to send him those conversations. She ended things with A and even tried to sabotage my relationship.

What hurt the most was that when it all came out, A sort of blamed me—saying that our chats were the reason his relationship ended, instead of acknowledging the year-long pattern of toxicity and insecurity. When I learned she tried to break up my relationship too, I decided to stand up for myself and cut ties with everyone involved, including that entire friend group.

Update : I spoke to a mutual friend about everything that happened, and he ended up calling me an “idiot” for how I reacted. He said my friend is really upset after the breakup and mentioned they were supposedly about to get married—which I honestly find hard to believe. But regardless, I’m the one being blamed, and it’s making me feel like cutting off and blocking everyone from that entire circle. He also said that the real loss is on my friend’s side and that I should be more sympathetic toward him instead of focusing on how this affected me. But honestly, it’s frustrating—I'm being blamed for something I had no control over, and somehow I’m expected to be the one showing compassion while dealing with all this drama. It’s just making me feel like distancing myself from everyone involved.