Okay so for context me and my best friend are both in high so yes we're both just kids. We've been friends since 7th, and we became really close due a mutual interest in K-pop. She was also one of the only ones that helped me when I was struggling mentally and physically due to some rumors in 7th grade and a very recent heartbreak (I'm also chronically ill so yeah). There was always a tiny problem she also had other friends one guy and girl friend in 7th, but they didn't like me much due to the dumb rumor (it was about a guy and me liking him obsessively honestly half true half lie but wtv). So I would sit in the stairwell during lunch, they never really cared to ask where I would or anything, I didn't mind much then. In 8th grade she stopped being friends with the girl and that was fine, I didn't mind either, she wasn't the best so she was out of the picture. In 8th grade I was in science class when the girl next to me she was on twitter looking at K-pop feed so I asked her about it and my bsf was next to me, we became friends! So me, bsf, guy friend, and my bsf other girl friend would sit at lunch; thing is I felt left out. Then throughout 8th grade I liked this guy and they would always give me advice on how to handle the situation and if I didn't listen they thought I was selfish for trying to reserve my religious barriers and respect my moms wishes even though I thought I had already been upfront with the guy (and I was I confirmed with him a while later out of pressure). Towards the end of 8th grade I felt way more left out and during that summer they would hangout and invite one of the girls boyfriend and stuff, but I was never invited. In 9th I distanced myself more because I was always with the guy I liked, I unattended the groups friendships. Then the summer after that which is last summer, me and him didn't have a happy ending and they helped me, new kpop girl from science, guy friend, and bsf. I was happy and we would talk way more! School started (so 10th) and we would sit together at lunch and all that, I forgot to mention my bsf met a new girl (we're both Christian just diff religion). So new 9th girl, science girl, bsf, and sometimes other people would sit there at lunch, I was really happy! (well sometimes I was going through major depression and anxiety) As time went on they would sometimes never come to our usual spot and wouldn't say a thing, then wouldn't show up at the usual spot for walking together to classes. One day my bsf said, "N and C don't want to sit outside they want to eat in the cafeteria want to come?" I was happy they thought of me but I declined and also got sad because they knew I didn't like sitting in the cafeteria for lunch. On my birthday only E (a girl who also joined our fg in 10th) and C showed up but were completely silent... honestly that made me super super sad and still does, my bsf got me a gift but still. Now I quit band due my parents but I joined back semester 2 of 10th and it was the best decision, during lunch now I go to band so I am doing my own thing not needing to rely on the company of others. Now, recently in March on insta prompts a question asked "who do you like?" I put the guys name who didn't work out... not my brightest moment (I'm trying to move on fr now) and my bsf saw it, she messaged me saying it was a selfish thing to do and that I should consider his feelings and kept insisting on it. I told her that I didn't care anymore and that nothing really mattered, that he truly didn't care about me anyway and if he found out it wouldn't be a big deal because he doesn't care. She now also is religious and told me that I should reflect values of Christ, personally that was hurtful, I didn't think saying I liked someone was out of line. She also knows how much I was struggling at the time and with my faith, (still am but I've gotten much better, yes in the span of that time, I'm taking meds). After all this I've just taken my distance, they would all hangout and personally it hurt always seeing the same thing. I don't want to seem mean and selfish but I genuinely don't want to keep being friends with someone who can't make time for me or invite me places. In the past I told her I felt left during their hangouts and she said it was because my mom always says no, thing is she can still ask, she asked before and my mom let me. The thought counts. I don't talk to any of them right not even wave or look at them (I have some of them in my class). I just took distance from all of them, they never wait for me, I can't wait for them anymore.