this is going to be a long one, sorry in advance. I (18f) ended a friendship of about 8 years with my at the time best friend (20f) about 6 months ago. She had done multiple things wrong, but it came to a head when she continuously disrespected my girlfriend (18 nonbinary). My sister and I were both friends with her and they both believe I was the one being a dick. They’re still friends and I hear shit about the way I acted to this day.

We’ll name my ex friend Faith, my sister Sarah, and my gf Rachel. I met Faith through Sarah, and we have operated as a trio ever since. during the pandemic, Faith and I got really, really close and would text/call all the time, cuddle whenever she came over, have multiple sleepovers a week etc. All of it was very platonic, but other people have made comments about her having a crush on me before. I never really noticed it until my partner and I got together in december of 2023. This is important to note, because many people have told me Faith was acting out because she had some type of crush one me. Not sure if that’s true. Before Rachel and I officially got together, Faith would always cheer me on and encourage me to ask them out. However, when we got together, faith’s attitude drastically changed, and she started advising me to break up with rachel every time i came to her for advice, stating that we were “too different” and would never work.

fast forward a couple months and faith is getting more and more jealous. At one point me, Faith, Sarah, and a couple of other friends wanted to make plans to hang out over spring break, but i informed them that seeing my girlfriend was my priority, and if there was no time for me to hang out with Rachel then i wouldn’t join in on the trip. Rachel and I lived very different lives with strict schedules, so outside of class we never saw each other. We agreed we’d see each other as much as we could over the break. Faith had such an issue with this. We even started fighting in the grocery store all because I said I’d leave the trip one day early to meet my gf. Faith began to accuse me of choosing rachel over her and said something along the lines of “do they know? does Rachel know that they’re ruining our trip? do they know they’re ruining our friendship?” I just stared at her and walked away. The trip went along fine, but Rachel was really hurt when I told them what happened. In the future, Faith went on to repeat the same line whenever she was mad. Rachel always tried to extremely nice to Faith whenever they ran into her.

A couple of months pass and Faith is still being rude. I confronted her before about how she wasn’t a great friend, and how she needed to change her ways or I’d cut ties with her, and she understood but never really acted differently. But now i needed to talk to her again about how she treated my girlfriend. I’d spoken to my sister about how i felt, and Sarah agreed with me. When i pulled both Faith and sarah aside for a chat, Faith FINALLY apologized and admitted she only said mean things about Rachel because she knew it would hurt me. I thought that was odd but didn’t say anything. I explained that regardless, she needed to stop disrespecting my girlfriend because Rachel has done nothing but be kind to her. I explained how Rachel felt about faith constantly bad-mouthing them, and also about how hurt I was that she would treat my first partner like this. I also told her if she tried to make me choose between her and Rachel, I would cut ties with her. Faith said she understood, but she wasn’t sorry about what happened during spring break, and Sarah took her side. She also said I never made time for her anymore even though i would see faith 2-3x a week when i would only see my gf about once a week. I let that all go. This happened around July of 2024.

Come October 2024, Faith and i attended a concert in a city about 4 hours away. Faith had a friend who went to college near the venue of the concert who also wanted to see the artist , so we decided we’d visit the college friend and stay with her for that weekend. We got into a fight over text right before Faith picked me up, but none of us talked about it. The weekend went fine up until the concert. My girlfriend had told me their pronouns were she/they when we first met because they were hesitant about telling me how they actually identified. Therefore, i introduced them to Faith with she/they pronouns originally, but immediately updated her when i found out Rachel used they/them. Faith always seemed to conveniently “forget” about Rachel’s pronouns and insisted that i never told her that rachel didn’t use she/her when i definitely did. We got into a yelling match as we walked back to the car at the end of the concert over Rachel’s pronouns. I told her it was disrespectful for her to “not remember” Rachel pronouns, and she was saying that she had no reason to remember, and that she never would. This was so odd to me because she never had to put effort in “remembering” to gender me right, what was different for rachel? I understand accidentally saying “her” after using the word girlfriend, but most people fix it and then move on. Faith refused too. She was also saying some nasty things in front of her other friend about me and my gf, which completely rubbed me the wrong way. say what you want in private, but not in front of others.

After we drive home from the concert, i sent faith money for gas and never contacted her again. My sister says I should have at least had a conversation about it, but i’ve pulled Faith aside for talks about the way she acts several different times and i genuinely don’t believe she would have changed if i talked to her again. While i probably did owe a friend of 8 years the conversation, it felt pointless. Sarah and Faith are still friends and I still hear about faith’s scorned feelings toward me. Sarah thinks I was overreacting (although sarah has said faith has been rude to her at times as well) I think i was completely justified, and my girlfriend and I have been happier than ever. AITAH?