Hi Reddit :) , this is my first post ever, and I wish it weren’t this one, but here we are!

I (F30) had been dating this loving guy (M30) for 6 years. The first four years were incredible. But over time, the love we had for each other gradually faded. For the past 2 years, the quality time we spent together was never enough for me, and I had communicated that to him, he said he would change. We would see each other once a week (for 2-4 hours), stay over 1 night a month, or sometimes see each other every other week (we lived about 30 minutes apart). He said he was tired from work but, he would consistently find time to hang out with his friends every week, sometimes even staying over with them. I tried to accept that he needed to focus on work and have time for friends, but deep down, I was never fully satisfied with how little time he gave me.

The final straw came three days before my 30th birthday. He told me he was home and about to go to sleep, but something felt off. I asked him to FaceTime me (the first time in six years I’d asked for a video call or questioned a lie; I’ve NEVER done that before, EVER), and I was right—he had been lying to my face. He kept insisting he was in bed, even after I asked him tons of questions. He even facetimed me using the front camera to show he was “in bed.” But when I asked him to show me the back camera, he finally confessed that he was actually out drinking with a colleague.

I had no problem with him going out with his friends, as long as he didn’t mess up the plans we’d already agreed on. Yes, this time I didn’t have plans with him that day, so I wouldn’t have had an issue with him going out. But he told me he lied because he had been going out the night before, and since my birthday was coming up, he didn’t want to upset me by going out too much. He said that he didn’t do anything bad or harm our relationship, but for me, a lie is a lie.

His lie has haunted me since that day. He’s an outgoing person who needs to have friends—I understood that. But I feel like such an idiot for being someone he could lie to, even though I used to trust him completely.

Last night he went out with his friends. But today, he messed up our plans again. He was supposed to sleep over (we planed already) and help me talk to the mechanic about fixing my car in the morning. Instead, he asked me if I still wanted to see him. If not, he wanted to go out with his friends again (he had gone out the night before and wanted to go out a second or thrice night in a row). But how on earth could I not want to see him?! I didn’t understand that kind of question.

FYI: He’s done this before. I drove almost 40 kms (25 miles) to his place, arrived, and within two minutes, he said he wanted to go out with his friends. He’s also canceled plans last minute several times. So today, I asked for a breakup because I want someone who will love me and want to spend time with me without hesitation or needing to ask if we still want to stick to the plan. For me, needing to ask twice felt weird. Why would someone need reassurance if we’d already agreed on the plan?

We’ve fought before about how he would go out with his friends and mess up our plans. It kept happening and happening and happening, like a time loop, and I don’t want to be a demanding GF in any relationship.

I’m not perfect. Sometimes I let him go out even when it was our planned date, so I did nag him occasionally when he went out during times we were supposed to spend together. But I never yelled at him, used harsh words, or was physically abusive.

I still love him but I need to love myself too. I just need someone who truly loves me, and I need to feel that I'm chosen or be someone's priority.

AITA for ending the relationship because I felt like he kept choosing his friends over me?