I am sorry for being stupid lol, but i just need your advice guys! I am a college women (28) and i have a lecture taught by a Phd woman (around 30). She is not really a teacher, she is just having this class for this semester from another field, but she is not participating in our exams or anything. (Srry if my english is bad)

In the beginning of the semester i did not think much of it, she had a unique vibe, which i recognized, but thats all. Now “suddenly” i went crazy for 3 weeks now. I can’t stop thinking about her, her voice makes my heart race when i hear it before the lecture, i like her gestures, i stare at her hands, feeling like i would want to touch it so bad. I feel like i could kiss her immediately, i imagine to hug her from behind, and i am nervous when talking to her. Yep i went crazy. The thing is: i never identified myself as gay, i did have some attractions to older woman but i eas in denial. I never feel sexual attraction, or the thought of sex with any gender feels so hard to imagine, or get there eventually, so i never been sexual with anyone, it is mainly always in my fantasies. I tried to date with boys, but eventually i ghosted them because i was in constant frustration like “is he waiting already to kiss him? When should i do that? I don’t want yet. I don’t feel like i am drawn to do such things”… I find some guys so nice, i like to stare at their presence, and i find a boys body very nice, BUT it feels like a brick wall, i can’t go any further. And dont feel butterflies, i don’t know how to engage with a boy, i just like them.

But with women is so different, i feel another kind of bubbly feeling, i behave differently and warm when i have feelings for a lady. I can’t imagine to act like that with a guy, i felt like i am masking myself, and i should also be more “girly” (i am not a butch but also not a feminine character). When things started to get serious with men i panicked and ran lol. And when i was dating with them, on some level i was hoping they are gay, or something like that (lol XD).

So now. I think this women is crashing down my well built up denials after years, suddenly everything about her feels so familiar, or idk how to say this, i just feel drawn to her, but not in a sexual way i suppose, in other subtle ways as i mentioned. My gaydar sent some signals too, she is feminine, but… she has some kind of non-hetero kink haha. She has ultra short nails (not even a little), some of her gestures, the sparkling in her eyes when i talked to her, i definitely felt deeply something during our eye contact. We were talking a bit and she invited me to her office to show me the work she does in a few days, we also got in social media contact. I so deeply hope that she is sending some signs and i am not reading it badly. She also complimented my outfit last time. I think i felt her parfume or anything that it was, just her smell in the room, and that also stires something in me, beside everything i love intellect too, and she seems obviously very smart, and interesting, and also her smile…it is soooo hard for me to find such person nowdays… especially that could be reciprocated finally…:( I dont know how to identify my feelings, they hit me so suddenly..

So idk, does this indicate something could be here? I really want to know her better, and wait for the semester to end before anything would start between us (!), but i am constantly thinking about her and it is hurting. I did not expect this coming right now, i really need to focus but i can’t…. I think at one point i need to tell her if things don’t develop in some way, or i go crazy.