My Boyfriend (30M) and I (29F) live together. Also important to know is that I have abandonment issues and I have anxiety. I am on meds for the anxiety and I really try to not let the abandonment issues get the better of me.

We just had a long weekend. On Thursday my BF got home and was super annoyed with work stuff and he was late for his golf game as well because of work. He calmed down a bit after golf but he was still very short with me. When he gets like this I usually just let him know he can talk to me if he wants and that I am always there to support him. I let him be after that.

Friday came, now I know he planned to spend the afternoon playing golf, which I am fine with. I figured he would leave and then come back 4 or 5 hours later and we could spend the rest of the day together. What happened was, before he went to play golf his friend phoned him and asked him to come and help him write a song. He wanted to go to golf and then to his friend. I struggled to hide my emotions then because I was really disappointed that the plans changed and he was not going to spend time with me. He then suggested he skip golf and just go to his friend and he told me he won't be home late then we can spend time together.

I know him and figured he wouldn't be home early but definitely he would be home in the evening at least. As he told me he won't be that long. He left just after 10 in the morning for context. At 18:00 he let me know they were still busy with the song. I was sad but I let it go. At 20:30 he let me know he and his friend just went to the shops and they saw a lot of cops, he had a few drinks, he is just sobering up before heading home. At this time I admit I majorly overreacted, I phoned him and when he explained the situation I had a full blown panic attack, I couldn't breathe and had to put the phone down. At 23:00 after I thought I calmed down enough I tried phoning him again, then he told me they are still busy but he will be home a bit later. I started crying again and had another panic attack. He finally phoned me at 1am and told me he is on his way home.

Now firstly I know I have issues, I really am trying to work on it. My point is, my boyfriend and I have been on only one date in the last 2 months. Where we go out and do stuff together. Sitting in front of the TV is not quality time for me. But he goes out to play golf Thursdays and Sundays. The whole day. Sometimes Tuesdays as well. I don't mind him playing golf, I just want to know he is going to play golf. I also don't mind him visiting and helping his friend. I just feel like I have no place in his life because there is just always something more important that needs his attention.

I think what this comes down to. He blows his "fun" budget on golf which means we never go out on dates. I pay for most of our living expenses as I earn the bigger salary. He goes out and spends time with his friend, buying drinks and snacks and telling me we will spend the evening together then he just disappears on me.

Saturday we had a Family thing we had to attend, Sunday he had golf with his dad and he usually visits with his parents after. Monday was the only day we spent together. But we spent it napping and watching series. Which is fine. It just feels like we aren't spending any quality time together. And my iffy brain goes immediately to he doesn't love me and he doesn't even like to spend time with me.

I feel so unloved. Am I being crazy and overbearing? I really need this put into perspective.