I (M29) have been with my partner (F28) for just under 6 years, our anniversary is next month. We have had some issues in the intimacy department for a good few years. Toward the beginning it was intense and fun and we were exploring so much. But recently, as in the past 2 to 3 years, it has hit a serious wall that I’m not sure how to handle, and I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m in the wrong or maybe I’m not, or maybe there is something I could do different. I’d love to get an outside perspective because above all else I am confused.

We have been living together most our relationship having met at uni and moved in over the first covid lockdown.

We would have sex a lot and would get each other off, mutual masturbation and kinky messaging and all that jazz. But, it has become completely one sided lately. Anytime we do anything sexual, it is now me helping her out, it is all about me doing and her receiving. I used to say "95% of the time" we do anything, but now it is literally always, in 2025 so far there has not been a single time she has got me off, in 2024 it was less than 5 times. Just for context, this year I've got her off at least 20 times, in 2024 I wouldn't even be able to guess.

After we do the do, I end up feeling really upset, resentful, and, yes, physically uncomfortable. What hurts and annoys me more than anything, isn't that she doesn't get me off, but that it is just expected she won't even try. I will do my bit and she will then say "you should make yourself c" or "do you want to make yourself c" not in a mutual way or a flirty way, as in, I'm done so you should deal with yourself thing... Every. Single. Time. .

Where I think IATAH is that, a lot of guys throw around the phrase "blue balled" and have this attitude of expecting something from women, I am really concerned that is what I am doing.

So, AITA for feeling annoyed that my partner seems to lead me on and then leave me high and dry? Am I blowing this out of proportion?

I want to be fair to my partner, but it’s getting harder to brush off the frustration when it keeps happening every time, the part of me that remains excited and hopeful dies a bit each time it turns out one sided. I’m starting to worry it’s going to cause a bigger rift if we don’t figure out a healthier way to deal with this and move forward. Any advice or insights would be really appreciated.

Thanks in advance for reading and sharing your thoughts!

TL;DR: My partner and I have recurring moments where I feel “blue balled,” and I’m getting increasingly frustrated. AITA for feeling annoyed and resentful about it