(this is a bit long)

This happened on Monday, 6 April, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.

We went to school to check our mock exam results. I’m not some top student or anything, but when I really put in the effort, I manage to do decently well. For these mocks though, I was totally cooked. My best friend is a pre-med student, and I’m in pre-engineering. Her study method honestly just doesn’t work. No matter how much effort she puts in, it’s like she never actually learns from her mistakes. I’ve tried so many times to help her — genuinely, as her best friend — but she always brushes it off and refuses to take advice.

These exams aren’t just some random school tests — they’re A Level externals, and they’re really important for both of our futures. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but at least I’m trying. Meanwhile, she seems to be taking it 0% seriously, and it’s frustrating to watch someone I care about so much just… not care.

I ended up getting an A* in physics, an A in math, and probably a D in chemistry. And yeah, the D sucks, but I’m not ashamed of it. I know I can do better — and I am doing better now. These mocks were three weeks ago, and since then, I’ve been improving. I also want to be clear: I’ve never been the type to care too much about other people’s grades. I don’t force my friends to show me their marks — if someone says they don’t want to talk about it, I respect that completely.

But my best friend has always been extremely insecure about her grades. She acts like everyone in the world will judge her based on them, which is just not true — definitely not when it comes to me. In physics, she straight up left the classroom before even seeing her paper. I didn’t ask to see it or talk about it — I let her be. For chemistry, she was in class but left to go to the bathroom. Our teacher (who knows we’re best friends) handed me a paper — didn’t say whose — and the marks were facing me. I thought it was mine, so I looked at it, only to realize it was hers: 13 out of 100.

The moment I saw her name, I just set it aside. I didn’t mean to see it, and I had no intention of bringing it up. When she came back, I calmly placed it on her desk and said, “This is yours.” Later, like I always do with my close friends, I casually asked how her paper went. And she smiled and said, “It was really good. Better than expected.”

That lie stung. I didn’t call her out or act weird about it, but in that moment, I realized something that’s been nagging at me ever since: this isn’t the first time she’s said something like that. For so many past exams and tests, she’s told me her marks were “really good” or “better than expected,” and I always believed her. I was happy for her. I even told her it seemed like she was finally improving — and now I don’t even know if that was ever true. What if it’s all been lies?

She knows, by now, that all I’ve ever tried to do is help her. There have been times where she asked me to stay up late with her while she studied, and even though I really value my sleep, I did it — just to be there for her, to support her in any way I could. I’ve sacrificed my rest, sat with her while she worked, encouraged her, and tried to offer advice. But no matter how much effort I put in, it always feels like she doesn’t really want the help. Like she’s just stuck in her ways and not interested in actually changing anything. And yet I still try — because she’s my best friend, and I care.

And the part that hurts the most? We’ve been best friends for 11 years — since third grade. We’ve grown up together. We’ve shared everything. We talk for hours. She knows me better than most people ever will. And I truly thought that by now, she knew I would never judge her based on grades. I’ve either offered help or kept quiet. I’ve never laughed, mocked, or made her feel small. I’ve never pressured her to share her results — every time I’ve seen them, it’s either been by accident or because she showed me willingly.

So why lie to me, of all people? After everything? It just makes me feel like she still doesn’t trust me, and that breaks my heart. I really thought our friendship had moved past this kind of insecurity. But now I’m sitting here questioning how much of what she’s told me over the years has even been real.

And maybe I am the one in the wrong here. I keep wondering if I’m somehow making this about me when it isn’t, and that makes me feel even worse. I haven’t brought it up with her at all — I’ve acted completely normal around her. But it just stings that after all this time, she still doesn’t trust me enough to be honest. I would literally trust her with my life — and I know that might sound dramatic, but we’ve been best friends for 11 years. That kind of bond should mean something, right?

So… AITAH for feeling hurt? For feeling like I don’t even know my best friend anymore?