I am feeling very lost and ashamed due to some confusing emotions after a terrible incident. I am 42 years old female, married to my husband (54), and I need kind and non-judgmental advice to know if I am wrong for feeling this way.

Few months back, our house was broken into at night by three thieves, and I was sexually assaulted by them in front of my husband. It was a very horrifying and traumatic experience. What is making me feel even more guilty is that during the assault, I had an orgasm, something I have never experienced in my entire life before. This has left me feeling so broken and ashamed. The incident has shaken both my husband and me, and it is causing lot of strain in our marriage and my mental peace.

For nearly six years before this incident, our marriage was having problems with intimacy. I was feeling sexually unsatisfied, and we could not find a way to solve it. But after this assault, something very strange is happening , my sexual desire has increased a lot. I am feeling so much shame and guilt, like I am completely wrong for having such feelings after such a terrible violation. Few nights ago, things became even more complicated . I was touching myself in the midnight by thinking about that night and I had a very intense, body-shaking orgasm at that time my husband woke up and caught me . I was so embarrassed and shocked when I realised he saw me, and we have not spoken about it till now. I am very scared he is judging me or feeling hurt, especially since he is also struggling with his own pain from seeing the assault.

I am not understanding why my body is reacting like this, or why these feelings are connected to such a horrible incident. The shame is making me feel so alone and helpless. I have not been able to talk to my husband about this because I am afraid of his reaction or if it will make things worse between us. I know I should probably go for counselling, but I am feeling too overwhelmed to take that step right now.